Our China & South Carolina Adoption Journey

The 21 Day Dad's challenge- Carey Casey Book Review

2011-12-22T09:51:00.002-08:00

Twenty million kids in the US live in father absent homes, so that means roughly more than a one to four ratio. That is staggering, and the effects of it on the kids and our society is telling. This book sets up a 21 day dad challenge to help fathers improve their relationship with their kids. Are there radical, ground breaking, or larger than life challenges it presents? Would this book make a difference? Carey Casey has gotten a number of fathers to contribute articles and challenges to this book. It is a meat and potatoes type book that will stir fathers to do the basics...if they do that, it WILL be groundbreaking and radical.

The challenges, by and large are practical, down to earth, anyone can do this basics that create bonds and enhance communication. The articles are largely based on biblical principles and common sense wisdom(the tow DO go hand in hand). I like that there are additional “enhancements” such as videos you can go to, and use your smartphone to lead you to additional resources, so it appeals to the tech aspect in most guys.

The results are only as good as the effort you put in, but the book provides good inspiration, encouragement and is set up in a way that will reach the busy man of today, and help provide some tools to help them grow in fatherhood.

A good read for a Christian father and also something you could give your nonchristian guy friend who is a father as it is not a preachy book, but points out the wisdom found in the Bible and applies it in a straightforward manner that should appeal to men’s desire for practical, sound and active applications.

This book was provided to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Healing is a Choice Stephen Arterburn- Book Review

2011-12-06T13:02:00.001-08:00

Ten decisions that will transform your life and ten lies that can prevent you from making them.

Sounds like a typical formula of self help rhetoric...but this is much different!

I am VERY impressed with this book and the truth and practical nature of it. It is firmly grounded in the fact a relationship with God is of utmost importance, the use of scripture is throughout it and well presented, it is steeped in practical wisdom to walk a person through becoming more complete, more in the image of Christ, healing from past hurts, big or small. This updated version has a study guide that is inserted after each chapter, EXCELLENT! This is not designed to be a quick read, quick fix, but for you to take time to reflect, get counsel from others, journal, and take steps towards healing.

I was not in any particular crisis or unhealthy state when reading this, and I still found value and worth in it and look forward to going back and digging deeper into some of the areas and exercises presented. It would be a valuable resource for a counsellor or pastor to have in their office, and an excellent resource for ANY Christian who is looking to grow and second have a resource on hand that could help them as they have friends etc that are walking through challenging times.

The steps are logical, progressive, not easy, but are grounded in truth and explained in detail to equip and encourage the individual to make strides in each area, then to move onward.The lies are equally exposed in powerful,clear ways making this a powerful one two punch towards healing, if you make the choice to take that path.
This book was provided to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

It's your kid not a gerbil by Kevin Leman Book Review

2011-10-20T20:04:00.002-07:00

I thought, how can an author fill up a couple hundred pages off the one point to just stop cramming your schedule so full so you can actually be a healthy family?!Well, this book is about so much more than just that, and it is a great read, lots of topics covered, lots of good practical advice, given with humor, and understanding so you feel encouraged and ready to give it another crack. When my two and a half year old saw the cover of a mini van in a gerbil wheel she said,” They were in an accident”, it is a fitting summary of what WILL happen to families that just don’t bring margins in, and stop dashing here there and everywhere so there is space to actually do the things that build into and don’t take away from family.

As I said before, there are lots of topics covered,I won’t even begin to list them, suffice to say there will be something there for any family. It will be of maximum benefit for those with younger family, but those with teens would still get at least a third of the book’s wisdom and value.

I found the start lagged a bit at the start, but after that it was very good read right through to the resource pages at the end of the book. It doesn’t have tons of biblical references, but is full of wisdom, and would be good resource for ANY family, regardless of their religious beliefs.

This book given to me from the publisher in exchange for an honest review, which was given.

Thank you, God, for blessing me Max Lucado Book Review

2011-10-20T20:02:00.001-07:00

This small but wonderful little book is a blessing. Max Lucado has created some endearing characters with the Hermie “franchise” and with nice artwork accompanying it, it is wrapped up in a nice solid truth from the Bible. It is set to rhyme, and is a board book, that is in a nice little package. My two and a half year old enjoys the story and the art, the length is good, she usually has me read it a couple times a sitting. Ideally I would say age 4-7 will get the best target audience for this book.

I enjoy the way Max sculpts a story. whether long or short and to apply that gift to kids stories is such a gift for parents and their kids. I have read a couple of these books for his and an anxious to get the rest he has and will do.

This book was provided to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review,which was given.

More Lost than Found: Finding a way back to Faith by Jared Herd

2011-09-21T11:40:00.002-07:00

If you are fortunate to find this, you have gained a book that is both good for those who have walked away from their faith, as well as for those who are still solidly walking in faith.

The author covers a wide and diverse array of topics in a way that communicates he understands, he is not judgmental, nor preachy, yet offers some good food for thought.

He explores the discussion on secular versus sacred lines, imagination, illusion and reality, purpose of pain, myth and truth, and a lot more. Each chapter, almost, can be read as an entity unto itself without apparent connection to the next. However each one builds on the other in subtle ways to conclude in a very strong way with a clear call that it is all about Jesus and your relationship with Him. He then adds at the end a wonderful chapter on renovating not demolishing in regards to the church. These closing chapters really puts a mind at ease that this is NOT someone who is some hard edged emergent church person or church hater.

That said, this book is thin on its use of the Bible. Stories are a strong point, but can be subjective, so more use of scripture would make this much more solid.

The author paints a realistic picture of the church and the people in it(and uses a very cool illustration about sketch art versus drip art...VERY nice, won’t spoil it in the review...).

For someone who is disillusioned with “the church” there is some good food for thought. For those still firmly walking in faith, this book provides good challenges for us as well and gives a good insight into some of the issues a LOT of folks are working through so we can seek to be a part of the solution not further exasperate the situation.

3 out of 5. The lack of scripture is "excusable" to a degree considering the authors main target audience,BUT discerning readers need to stay alert to not let good stories lead to points that might not be scriptural.The fact he quotes Rob Bell at points leads me to mention that. (I didn't find anything "off" in those quotes, but Rob is not the greatest source material, and will just leave it at that.)

This book was provided as a complimentary copy by the publisher Thomas Nelson in exchange for an honest review.

Hermie a Common Caterpillar- Max Lucado book review

2011-09-15T08:16:00.003-07:00

LOVE IT!!! Wow! Super! Great Art! Great Story! Powerful Message! Timely Message!

When I first received this level 2 reader e-book, I thought it was going to be the same message as story of the Wemmicks, from Tell Me Your Secrets.There is a similar THEME, but the story, imagery of the caterpillar to butterfly is POWERFUL and there are other layers of story and truth presented in the story in subtle ways. Hermie talks about being able to talk to God and hear from Him, and how some other kids thought that was strange, yet we read of God's loving assuring communications to Hermie, impressing to kids THEY can talk and hear from God-EXCELLENT!

I also liked the undertone of Hermie having to wait to see that God did indeed have something special ahead for him. A nice sublesson on waiting and patience(dealing with a 2.5 year olds impatience makes me wish SHE was a level 2 reader right now LOL).

I will be buying this in paper version for when she is able to appreciate it more, I am that impressed with it.HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION!

This book was provided by Thomas Nelson Publishers as a complimentary copy, in exchange for an honest review.

Night Night Blessings- Amy Parker Book Review

2011-09-15T08:00:00.003-07:00

This is a quick read book which would connect well with ages 6-9 year olds.It is set to rhyme, which is something I love, it makes it easy to remember, kids love rhyme, and having a rhythm to it helps draw in kids who may not enjoy reading but love music.

The overall message reminds kids as they go to bed to count their blessings and know that God is with them, watching from above and is the provider of the blessings they have.

Food, games, pets, sunlight, toys and family time are listed among the blessings. The art is nice, subtle colors, compared to bright and bold, appropriate for a book set to be read at night time.

In today's society of self entitlement it is a GOOD reminder to impress on our kids that we need to be appreciative and thankful for the BOUNTIFUL blessings we have.

I can see after a few readings this book being imprinted in their minds and having the kids say the rhyme along with you and working it into a bed time prayer. So I give it a high recommendation to check out.

This book was provided complimentary to me from the publisher, Thomas Nelson, in exchange for an honest review.

Love You More The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter By Jennifer Grant

2011-09-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

As an adoptive parent, I am glad to see more materials being put out that shares the realistic story of adoption, the gift, the loss, the biblical mandate to care for the orphan in various ways that is all wrapped up in the eyes of a precious child needing a family.

The author, who is a journalist, jumps between telling her story of adopting, to giving the reader some other related information about adoption, at the beginning the transition was a bit jarring, but once she got into the heart of her story the switches were not noticed, and the information given was valuable.

I was touched by the retelling of their story of meeting with their new daughter. I appreciated the way the author painted a realistic picture of adoption. Care for the orphan is something we ALL are called to, and adoption is part of the solution, but is something a couple has to feel called to as there are challenges mixed into the blessing there is, so it is good to get a balanced view. Adopted children experience loss, deep loss, couples often face loss due to infertility, adopted children get a family, couples get children, wonderful provision. The author communicates this well.

I also enjoyed the frankness she expresses in dealing with being a “conspicuous family”. There are definitely challenges, connected with that.

This book didn’t blow me out of the water, but it was an enjoyable read and would be that for someone whether they are adopted, adopting, or not connected with adoption. It is this last group that I think needs the exposure to help educate them so they can be supportive and informed so they can help those around them who adopt, while still being challenged in a very careful way about what THEIR role is in the care for the orphan.

This book was provided as a complimentary copy by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Smack-dab in the middle of God's love Brennan Manning and John Blase Book review

2011-08-29T07:17:00.003-07:00

This book falls smack-dab in the middle.

The art, for me, is in the middle, certainly not bad, but not 100% my style.
The readership to most benefit from this is kids smack-dab in the middle of elementary(and above).

The truth about God it presents,however, is smack-dab top notch!

It clearly communicates that we can be right in the middle of God's love and that He has so much love, he can love the big things, the small things, and everything smack-dab in the middle! ALWAYS a good truth to be reminded of!

Another nice aspect of this story is the introduction of Mexican culture. The art and main characters reflect this and there are numerous references to Mexican food, the art shows clothing and landscape of that land.

The main couple are childless, but have a great love for kids,so there is opportunity for side discussion about that. The story also comments about how in love they are as a couple and they are shown as a strong, vibrant couple married and later in life, so a nice image contrasted to the breakdown of marriage seen all around us.

Overall the book falls high on the recommended list. This book was provided as a complimentary copy to me by Thomas Nelson Publishers in exchange for a fair,honest review of the product.

Rumors of God-Experience the kind of faith you’ve only heard about by Darren Whitehead & Jon Tyson

2011-08-09T11:49:00.001-07:00

The rumors are true, God can and does live and move and work in His people and faith can be real enough to be seen and experienced.

The authors do a great job in covering 10 major areas of living out the Christian life/ living by faith. I was skeptical that they could cover enough of each topic(such as the concepts of abundant life, generosity, love, grace, freedom, commitment, community, justice...) in a chapter to make it real, or deep enough to move and inspire or challenge the reader. They did it.

It is written in an easy to read and understand form, they use scripture well, and I love how their goal is to move people to act/respond on each given topic. They do a wonderful job of leading the reader to want to apply what they have just learned in a natural way(as compared to a blunt, “here is the concept- what cha gonna do about it?” approach).

I found personal insights and got new information from most of the chapters, which was great, and unexpected. Usually if I get a handful of insights, or inspirational quotes I feel the book was time well spent.

I am confident you would find that to be the case too!

This book was provided to me free from Thomas Nelson Publishers in exchange for an honest review of the materials.

Small is Big- Unleashing the big impact of intentionally small churches by Tony and Felicity Dale

2011-07-26T06:56:00.000-07:00

This book is exploring the concept of the house churches movement(or simple church movement).Theologically(and much to my surprise) I wasn’t as against what they talked about as I thought I would be. They have an extreme charismatic view on the filling of the Holy Spirit(their personal view, not necessarily the view of those in house churches), and give a nod to such things as holy laughter, which are not expressions of the Spirit found in scripture.

They attempt to address some of the big issues I have with house churches, such as accountability, and keeping sound theology, and I found their responses somewhat lacking. They basically report to saying the leader of the group will lead wild statements back to sound ground. Experience has shown, MOST leaders of small groups don’t do that.They also fail to address verses such as “don’t neglect meeting together…” the church history of getting together in bigger “units”. Yes, the New testament church started in homes, but it went beyond that... They also fail to explore the role of pastor/teacher and the work of equipping the saints for the work of the ministry adequately. Their strongest point is that a simple church allows more participation, and I heartily agree on the strength of that point, they also point out the churches expect pastors to fulfill many functions(delegate, lead, administrate, teach, do visitation, preach, cast vision, serve, etc, etc) all with high degrees of excellence, and points out the folly of such expectations, no one has all the gifts and skills, so simple church seeks to empower the people to do that. I agree, BUT it seems to lack the equipping aspect.

It is hard to argue though with their points of bringing church to where the people are, rather than trying to bring people to the church. The great commission does say “GO”, not “invite them to your church meeting”.They explore the ins and outs of simple church, and have strong use of scripture for most of them.

I am not convinced house churches are the way to go, HOWEVER this book has given me a LOT of things to consider, much more than most books have, so it gets a HIGH recommendation on that basis!

This book was provided as a complimentary copy by Tyndale Publishers, for an honest review of this title.

Why God Won't Go Away- By Alister McGrath Review

2011-07-13T14:03:00.002-07:00

This book attempts to outline the view held by New Atheism, and point out the aspects of their argument against Christianity.

The book is well referenced, but one thing I was wary of was that early on the author would bring up a point that the New Atheist held, gave a quick rebuttal of that point, and then would say," I will explore this aspect later in the book...". I kept a check sheet of each point brought up this way, as it can be misleading to hit a point, and never really unpack it. Well, the author DOES indeed go back and address these points in more detail.

This book is good at giving the reader a feel of the main faces behind the New Atheism platform, what they are promoting, and then later unpacks those main platforms and provides some good information, in which to engage those who are professing atheists.

This book is more of an overview rather than really addressing all the points in a deeper more comprehensive argument, but provides a good starting point for those not well versed in apologetics.

It is not a light read, but it isn't too bogged down either, so again, good for those with interest in this topic, to get them started.

I received this book from Booksneeze in exchange for an honest review.

Surviving your Serengeti by Stefan Swanepoel Book review

2011-06-24T07:16:00.001-07:00

7 skills to master business and life. What the author does in this book is take the7 skills and in a fable/story concept explains them by using animals found in the Serengeti.

I think he had to stretch the concept a bit on a couple of the animals, but by and large the connections between animal and skill taught were sound.

In his introduction he points out 3 things he hopes the book will reaffirm. One, everyone can survive their own Serengeti. Second, no journey is ever too long, and three ,nothing is impossible. Pretty lofty and he doesn’t really get there, and I don’t think this was the point of the book. First off, the first point only works if you see the Serengeti as hard, and it is obvious that he loves it there and see it so positively that the connection point misses that mark. Second, their trip was 3 days so the point about the journey of living out these traits etc fails short. Third, I think the book does give some encouragement with these practical traits that would help either a business person or other reader to keep striving, so it does well on that point. In my opinion it would be better to simply look at the book’s subtitle of “7 skills to master for business and life” and that fits what it does much better.

There are no God references in the book, I point that out simply to say it, as the publisher puts out Christian books. There is nothing in the book anti biblical, but it certainly is much more of a self help type book.

Big marks for the format he used, and for easy reading style. No ground breaking revelations, and he provides as the end of the book a website to take a short quiz to explore which animal/skill you are. I enjoy those type quizzes and self discovery aspects, but knew the animal I would be from the reading of the book. Despite my critical stance on his introduction goals, on a whole, it was a quick enjoyable read.

This book was provided as a complimentary copy by the publisher in exchange for my review, positive or negative of its contents. Thanks Booksneeze!

The Seraph Seal-Sweet and Wagner Book Review

2011-05-27T08:29:00.002-07:00

This book is a mix of an Indiana Jones, Davinci Code, Apocalyptic/Science Fiction feel.What I liked was the mystery type aspect with some action thrown in, I liked and disliked the tie ins to the book of Revelation from the Bible(more on that later). I liked the appendix in the end that provided some notes, explanations and clarifications as the book is a long one and lots of characters popping in and out and so much symbolism thrown in.

This book is NOT a book to base theology on. Similar to aspects of The Shack, the story draws you in, but there are some things that leave a question mark. References are made the The Lamb, but His appearance is not,the focus is left on the people/characters and not the Person playing the main role in the end times.Symbolism can be read in many ways, and others have commented that there seems to be a feel of Universalism in the book. I haven't gotten all the way through to be definite on that, but it is certainly worth warning about.

There is also a love story plot thrown in. The back cover reads "...the Seraph Seal combines apocalyptic intrigue with a journey of love and discovery that blurs the lines between fact and fiction. It will lead you into a world where only you can determine the future of the earth as we know it." So I would say it delivers on that, and as long as discernment filters are on that will help when the BLUR is happening. I have mixed feelings on this. I like that there is the biblical aspects brought in, but the teacher in me gets concerned when it veers off of that. Of course in story you have the creativity to branch off, and I enjoy that, but I get concerned that it then, whether intentioned or not, teaches people untruths. The responsibility lies ultimately with the READER, the writers have not said this is a book of truth, so I appreciate that.

This book was provided to me free through Booksneeze.com Thomas Nelson Publishers with the understanding that I give an honest review.

Man, time flies...

2011-05-09T08:29:00.002-07:00

Can't believe it has been over a month between posts...

April had us traveling a bit down to Edmonton and Calgary. We broke down and bought dvd players for the girls for the trip...definitely a sanity saver!

Katie is a snack monster and needs to be snacking from the time we pull out of the driveway until we arrive. Julia travels well during the day but made it VERY clear to us when we traveled to Edmonton to participate in the End the Wait Adoption Seminar, that driving near bed time is a no no. We ended up having to stay in Whitecourt at a hotel overnight as she protested over being in the car thinking she was supposed to sleep there.

In the hotel we quickly discovered that so many things are at Katie level. She was delighted!!!! In the first 20 minutes there she had raided the mini fridge, called front desk, turned on the air conditioner, and started empty microwaves, oh and set the snooze alarm off several times.

The room had 2 queen beds in it. Cara and Julia took one bed, and Katie and I the other. Next time I will just take my pillow and sleep in the bath tub...my precious little girl loves to snuggle which is wonderful when I don't want to sleep, but I can't sleep when someone is "in my sleep space". Once she fell asleep I moved her over, only to have her shift around to sleep vertically on the bed with feet kicking, jabbing and embedding themselves into my back all night. UGH!

The conference was excellent and I feel blessed to have played a part in it.

We did an extended family visit at the end of the month as my grandmother,dad and cousin, as well as a precious friend( who has prayed faithfully for Julia for 5 years), had not met her yet.

Julia is delightful, coming out of her shell even more and has a smile the lights up the room, melts daddy's heart. She turned one this month, I am in denial. I just can't wrap my brain around it, yet she is fully embracing it. She is so close to walking. She is cruising along the couches and walls, using the high chair as a walker. Vocally she has found crying works wonders to get mom and dad running to see if big sister has wronged her, or to see if she has tumbled from being too adventurous, or to simply communicate, "I don't see you, come back into my view!". Her most used sound(aside from the cry) is a word that sounds kind of like "up" and"fpt" combined. We are getting some dadda maa maa sounds but not connecting them to us. Her eyes tell us she know us, they light up, she will do the one raised eyebrow or bashful smile/turn to the side with a glance thing that is adorable. She LOVES being upside down and spun around, she is going to be the carnival ride queen in our group...

We are eager to embrace spring and summer this year, we plan to plant some veges among our large and often weed embraced flower garden to help reduce the work and weed quota.I am looking forward to biking to work, need the exercise. Had a few too many slurpees and 5 cent candies over the winter, combined with too little exercise and it is starting to show...

Summer plans seem to be full with me (wanting to)get Fall work prep done early, taking a week to speak at Ness Lake Bible Camp, and sticking close to church as half the staff are taking off to Rwanda on a missions trip.

Still staying busy(it is reasonable now-crazy bust start of the year)with magic shows, and Cara is delighting in trying out digital scrapbooking. We still long for some more sleep and energy, but being parents to our 2 gifts is such a privilege, even when they refuse to eat, sleep or obey as much as we would like, they bring so many more smiles, joys and delight to our hearts!!!

Daddy Dates-Greg Wright Book Review

2011-05-09T08:25:00.003-07:00

Daddy Dates by Greg Wright

I love the idea behind this book, it was something I have planned to do even prior to hearing a book was done about it. Did this book really help me develop that further? No. BUT, and it is a big but...it is still an excellent book and one I highly recommend to ANY dad, regardless of the age of his girls( I have been planning and developing ideas for this for years already). It is written in guy language, and is a very enjoyable read. Greg comes across with wisdom, humor, and authenticity that makes it okay for dads to admit they don’t have it all together, but offers encouragement and some clear guidelines to help any dad get an idea of this concept and the exhortation to give it a try. He covers the reasons for daddy dates, ways to plan dates that will work, stories to encourage, and gives insights for preschool daddy dates right through the age ranges.

I was greatly encouraged to be affirmed that there is deep value in investing in this way in your daughters lives. The role of a Father is often undervalued, yet to help daughters grow to be confident women, the impact of a loving, committed and interested father is priceless. Daddy dates is a very helpful tool in the daddy tool belt.

Men like books that get to the point, lay out the plan,makes them laugh, and in stirs their heart(not enough to make them cry in public-that is taboo, but grabs their heart ;)) .This book delivers on that front. High recommendation for any dads.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Changed by Faith Luis Palau- REVIEW

2011-03-28T10:00:00.001-07:00

“How many people do you know who say they believe in God . . . but you’d never know it from looking at their lives? Despite good intentions, their faith isn’t life-changing or world-shaking; they may go to church on Sundays, but God doesn’t seem to make much difference the other six days..”

From this description it would appear the target audience is church goers, but upon reading the book I feel it is an excellent book to give to someone who is spiritually seeking. Luis evangelistic heart is poured all over this book. It is an easy read, with lots of stories. He lays out the path to Jesus and his challenge is sensitive yet determined.

I feel the message better speaks to one looking at who this Jesus is and that a life in Him does result in change. I didn’t find the book offered much guidance to those who have a professed faith in Jesus but are not seeing the change the Bible promises. I think his book Say Yes! does a much better job of addressing that topic. I read it MANY years ago, and it still stick in my mind as a book I felt God used in a great way in my life. So if that is an area you want to read up on, check out that book instead. If you have friends or family seeking, give them a copy of this book.

I heartily recommend Waking the Dead by John Eldridge for a book that will bring a dead faith back to life!

Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.

Read and Share Stories about Jesus Gwen Ellis- REVIEW

2011-03-28T09:45:00.001-07:00

This book is illustrated by Steve Smallman.

The back cover states there are 13 stories about Jesus-from his birth to his death and resurrection. Now in a collection that is only going to pick SOME aspects of Jesus life, the choice was good EXCEPT for the end, it felt a little like false advertising. There is one line given to his death and resurrection, “He even died and came back to life.”

This was in a 2 page story where the main focus was the ascension, so I felt it is misleading in what it delivers. It also asks kids if they have been baptized. Seeing the target group for this book, that is, in my opinion a bit early to be asking this.

The quality of the book is good, it is a board book, good binding, nice colors and art work. I really like that after each story there is an application question or comment included, kudos for that!

I would say the book is ideal for ages 5-7. I think you could use it for preschoolers for short story times, but not in a Sunday school teaching setting, they are too brief for that, but I could see using it at nap time with this age group and having a short conversation prior to the nap.

Recommend it with the content comment noted.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

2011-03-27T19:40:00.002-07:00

Sick girl again(Katie) changed our travel plans for this week, we were going to head down to Edmonton and Calgary for a visit, but that will be changed :(.

Julia is so wanting to walk, she is pulling herself up on stuff and has taken a couple of wobbly sideways steps.She is getting quite expressive and she was quite affectionate with me tonight, nuzzling my arm(partly wiping her dirty face on me, but there was also some affection :) ).

Got a couple of book reviews coming up, and looking forward to the adoption conference next weekend.

Focus on the Family has opened a new website www.waitingtobelong.ca. My article on our church journey in orphan care is there in the church stories section.

Amazing race is in China the last few episodes, so time to tune in again.

How the girls are doing

2011-03-10T10:44:00.002-08:00

Grandma and Julia

Katie checking out videos on the camcorder.

The girls are doing well together and we have survived the "Everyone get sick in some way" month of February( I was spared).

Julia is 24 pounds and developing well. We need to get on immunizations soon(I have to find the video where I got her medical sheet on those translated verbally...).she is bouncing on her bum to get places and is so close to forward crawling, we sense she hits times of frustration over not being able to participate as fully as her sister. She has also grown to develop more of a sense of self entitlement(this is a good thing, in this case, for this stage of things),where she will cry if a toy she wants gets taken away or if she isn't getting the type of attention she wants.

I have been pleased to have her express some healthy dissatisfaction when daddy leaves and am loving seeing 2 beautiful smiling faces greet me at the door(Cara usually takes that time to run to the washroom for a "break" and know she can have a few minutes of silence and to do her thing before Katie marches in wondering what is going on and what can she turn on, push a button on, or pull off a shelf) Thus the reason why it isn't 3 beautiful smiling faces greeting me :)!

Julia is getting much more vocal and one of the things to expect each supper meal is the competition to see who is louder, Katie, Julia or Mummy(Mummy is trying to spoil the fun and have then tone it down, and she wins every time ;) ).

Julia hasn't been sleeping as well as we would like, we aren't sure if it is because we changed the sleep situation from the co sleeper attached to the bed to the co sleeper set up right beside the bed, or what. But the extra disruptions, sleep wise, is certainly wearing on my faithful wife.

We are certainly anxious for the snow and cold weather to stop so that there is more options to get out.

In other news, I will be speaking at a Focus on the Family Adoption awareness event in Edmonton www.endthewait.ca, in conjunction with the Steven Curtis Chapman concert being held later that day. Still have a bunch of prep to do, including the debut of a brand new magic trick I will close my chat with, "dreams of orphan care" where the dream a spectator creates about how to care for orphans matches the dream I had, and had displayed in a sealed envelope in front of them the entire time.Fingers crossed on that :)!

Celebrating

2011-03-02T08:50:00.003-08:00

Grandma B with Julia

Katie and Uncle Chris dancing!

Play Doh creations( the adults were playing with it :)

We had a wonderful time with family coming up to celebrate Katie's 2nd birthday and us dedicating Julia to God in a ceremony at church.

Family has been so awesome and supportive, and what fun we had!

Life of attaching

2011-03-02T08:49:00.001-08:00

http://chinaadopttalk.com/2011/03/02/attachment/

Good blog post. Talking about how attachment is a life time thing, it is a larger issue for some kids more than others, but it goes far beyond just the first few months after you bring a child home, Good list of references at the end of the post!

My Katie is 2, Wow!

2011-02-14T09:11:00.003-08:00

My Katie is growing up! 2 years old. Wow! She has entered toddler realm full steam! First Sunday she didn't run to me when I came to her Sunday School class. She said "hi, daddy", and continued playing. Not sure Daddy is ready for that yet!LOL!

We had a quiet family birthday supper, we opened presents. She loved spending time with each gift, rather than running on to the next one, that was nice, did make for a long time of gift opening(not that there was that many gifts, she just enjoyed each one! Mommy made a chocolate cake in a "K" shape, which was enjoyed. Julia wanted some but she will just have to wait until she is one!

Next weekend is the big bash with friends and family, Doodlebop theme. I was excited that I found some party stuff in that theme. Should be fun!
Got this in an email, it has some truth to it!

TODDLER RULES
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged. I am toddler!

Some Julia time...

2011-02-06T16:44:00.003-08:00

Cara and Katie are still battling a cold, so I decided to take Julia to church myself today. So I strapped her into the Snugglie and away we went. I was teaching the grade 1-4 and had a magic trick to share with them also.Needless to say I never practiced storytelling or this trick with a baby strapped to me, but it still went okay thankfully.

She napped part way through. :)

We then made it into church for the service, but missed the sermon as she started getting a bit too vocal... it was sure nice to spend some one on one time with her, I am missing that, so today was a nice blessing.

Look back- off the plane in Canada with Julia

2011-01-29T13:56:00.002-08:00

I realize I take video of crazy mundane stuff, with a few clips of brilliance. Shaking my head over some of the stuff I taped(ie the diaper blowout as we left China)...Julia is soooo gonna dislike daddy when we go through the videos one day lol!!!

Nanchang memory

2011-01-26T06:09:00.002-08:00

This was in Nanchang,at the Teng Wang Pavilion. The dance that was to happen there was canceled due to the stage flooding, but this was, to me, my favorite/most memorable time(outside of getting Julia).

It has been like a month and a half and it has been wonderful. Last night mommy went out for some girl time and Katie went to bed well, so I had a couple of uninterrupted hours with my Julia. Sorely needed(for me much more than Julia!). Love being able to make her smile, to see her stare into my eyes. She loves to touch foreheads together and rub my beard. She is certainly working her way towards crawling, she has pushed herself,while on her tummy, backwards a couple feet, quite happily. She is done with the chest cold she got, and no one seems to be teething today, so stock prices of Kleenex may dip a bit today, and I am good with that!

I am sad that there hasn't been the time to go through even the pictures and video I have taken, nor to connect very much with the travel group, other than the odd email. We will hopefully correct that in the next little bit. I find myself thinking more and more about the amazing treasures we all got while in China and wondering how they are all doing.

Well, work is calling(more like screaming)...so off to it I go! gonna knock a bunch off the ol' to do list, oh yes I am!

The Grace of God- Andy Stanley Book Review

2011-01-11T15:19:00.002-08:00

There is always a fear when the topic of grace gets mentioned that there is no balance and inclusion of human responsibility for sin, so the topic and experience of grace gets ignored. I have read many good and bad books on grace, Andy Stanley...GOOD book!

Balance is maintained, and a concept that is nearly as large as God Himself is given thorough treatment. "Grace acknowledges the full implication of sin and yet does not condemn". From the first book of the Bible through to the end he uses powerful examples from it and the examples encourage, edify, and empower the reader.

I also like the use of bolding in the book to accent key principles. This accenting is not done in a typical point by point heading, but conversationally, which makes it an easy read to digest a FULL meal of content.

There is no study guide at the back of the book, but this shouldn't deter this book from being used in a small group setting. There is a wealth of discussion points that could be brought out, BUT I caution, one really has to answer personally and share from your life, you can't embrace this topic of grace in theory, this is real life stuff!

This isn't a complaint, but because the writing style flows so smoothly, it could make it hard to stop, park, and really process the points, and thus miss the meat of it, so as a reader, I would encourage you to take it in bite size portions and really chew on it. The path of grace is a journey and so it really is about enjoying and experiencing it along the way.This coming from a destination minded person! High recommendation.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Mockingbird Parables- Matt Litton

2011-01-11T15:06:00.003-08:00

This book is based off a knowledge of"To Kill a Mockingbird". Now I had not read or seen any movie variations of To Kill a Mockingbird, but the one thing this book has done is make me want to. Sadly that is about all I can say as positive.

Obviously a working knowledge of To Kill would help, but the author gives enough detail of the story points he is building off that this was not a hindrance, but the flopping all over the place made it hard to follow and glean what he was trying to say. I would agree with him that To Kill has some great learning points, and all, but it was more like a hummingbird, quick flitting here and there. Rather than a book it seems more like a short hand diary of some of his thoughts on the story and those thoughts just seemed to point out the obvious, rather than ADD something to us the reader of THIS book.

There is a SHORT question guide at the back for folks to use in a discussion group. Some may find that useful, but I would suggest that simply reading or watching To Kill a Mockingbird and talking about it with friends would be more profitable use of time.

Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book or ARC.

Update

2011-01-08T13:04:00.002-08:00

Well, Happy New year to all.
Things have been full but awesome(overall) since returning home. We had a nice time with family over the holidays, and have settled in now to try to establish some routines.

Katie was ultra clingy and moody for the first couple weeks since returning, from missing us, to adjusting to Julia, to her cutting a bunch of teeth, it isn't surprising. Julia also cut another tooth. So the drool, tears, fevers, and runs have been flowing, but we seem to be in a lull now which is nice.

Julia is back to a better eating schedule, really enjoying the purees, so much so she is too full to finish a bottle, so that is nice. Sleeping has been an adjustment. For the first few days I took Katie to the basement and we slept there, as the girls were taking turns waking each other up with dealing with their teething stuff, and Julia was taking up half of the bed, so no room for me there anyhow.

We are now on a better schedule, although Julia still stays up later, 10 pm ish, prior to falling asleep, Cara is often having to lay with her to get her down, but it is going well, other than her wanting a 5 pm nap, that time isn't cool.So we are trying to work her thru that, and overall happy with that, still some tweaking to go, but all in good time.

Took the girls to the pet store today, Julia slept the whole time, oh well.

Been busy at work, having to preach the last 2 Sundays, have my first Masters level class starting in a couple weeks, and am working on some stuff for Focus on the Family, as part of an adoption/orphan care initiatives they are working on. Booked at couple shows for the next month, which was a surprise, it is usually pretty dead, but that is nice bonus. Still have a bunch of video and pictures to look at from the trip and really want to connect with some of the folks from our travel group to see how the kids are adjusting.

Still haven't gotten Julia to church yet, may or may not happen this Sunday. I will be bringing my Katie as Sunday School is starting up again. We have kicked things up a notch with her, as I have taken her out a bunch to give Mum a break. We have had lots of daddy/daughter adventures, she has started rinsing the dishes, helping daddy go grocery shopping, having spontaneous dance parties in the mall when we hear a good tune coming from a store. I figure folks look at us anyhow with Ultrawhite Boy and his sidekick Afro-girl, so may as well just have fun.She loves to dance, so why not bust a groove at the mall, she loves it, and I love making my girl smile so it is a blast.

We have been blessed to have meals provided for us this last week from friends of ours from the church, it is so nice to not have to add that to the list while we adjust to other stuff, a real blessing.

The girls can't get enough of each other, Julia follows Katie with her eyes everywhere she goes. Katie loves hugging and kissing her, too much and too strong, but that is better than her hating her.

Katie has started calling us Da da and Mama. Not sure where that came from ,she has always called us daddy or mommy, it is cute though.

Had a HUGE dump of snow, light fluffy but lots of it. Julia is NOT fond of the car seat in the car, that is a big adjustment that needs to happen. Cara has a bit of cabin fever, she is pretty house bound, and when she does get out, usually only for an hour or so, as one of the girls ends up crashing and needing to get home.

It is great being home. I do feel that I haven't gotten the same time with Julia as I would like, from working with or distracting Katie, or still giving Cara the main areas of attachment to work on with Julia,that is hard, but it fills my heart and makes it so worth it when I see her seeking Cara out and seeing her eyes light up when she sees her mommy that I know once that bond is deep, I will be able to win over Julia to becoming a daddy's girl like Katie has become, and that makes it all worth it.

I was kissed by a cute Asian girl, and my wife was okay with it....

2010-12-31T08:22:00.003-08:00

I am obviously talking about my Julia. Last night we were sitting on the couch, waiting for Julia to get tired enough to go to bed, and I am holding her up(she is getting stronger, she likes trying to stand, brings a big smile to her face) and she opens her mouth into a cute little circle and moves forward and presses them against my mouth. Now if it had just happened that one time I would attribute it to a lack of balance, but she did it another 3-4 times. Needless to say, I was a teary mess, all while trying to keep a normal face in front of her, so she didn't think something was wrong(my face gets all scrunchy and flushed when I cry- not a pretty sight LOL).

This morning the girls are sitting at the table and Julia has hiccups, so what does Katie do? She starts imitating the sound, making Julia start giggling and cracking up the whole table.Such fun(although neither girl got much breakfast into them, fun was had by all)!

We had a nice visit with my mom who came up with my cousin for a few days to celebrate Christmas and get to know Julia a bit. We are laying low for New Years(especially after a short sleep night last night, Julia took forever to go down and then Katie was awake at 4 due to her fever going up a bit, she had it yesterday and within 4 hours we knocked it down and she was running around. Hopefully everyone will normalize soon.

Katie is a good big sister, a little possessive of us at times, but LOVES her Julia and it is mutual.Julia's eyes light up and follow her big sis everywhere. We are so thankful to my sister and brother in law for looking after Katie, they did such a great job. Katie is clingy(not surprising). Gonna be hard when Daddy has to go to work next week, for both Katie and me!

First family outing today. The four of us are going to do a bit of grocery shopping. Weather is COLD, but Cara needs to get out and Grande Prairie needs to get used to the Burtis' clan invading their world LOL!

Crazy times

2010-12-28T21:18:00.001-08:00

Got back, the flights were easy(other than Julia blew her diaper right as we took off with diarrhea), but she is doing well, overall. She has an irritation on one of her cheeks/eye, not sure what that is. I ended up sleeping decently on the 23rd, then stayed up(not my choice, the body and brain wouldn't shut down) the entire next night and day, but that seemed to reset my sleep pattern, and got my Jan 2 sermon done in the wee hours of Christmas day morning. Caught the 24 hour stomach bug once home, but one advantage of having a high metabolism/hyper bowel, is that bug didn't have a chance, 12 or so hours and it was gone. Yahoo.

Had great time with family for holidays, still absorbing the China time, will hopefully have time in early 2011 to reflect on it. Met great folks, enjoyed our travel group, have and treasure of a new daughter...

In Vancouver!!!

2010-12-23T14:19:00.002-08:00

We made it! Flight went quick, got thru the immigration and custom hoops with NO problem, our Girl is now home and a Canadian citizen!

We catch a flight to Edmonton in an hour. Julia is doing great, despite still having the runs a bit, but she is also absorbing some of her bottle and cereal, so it will be good to get home, bath, clean clothes and try to sleep!

Good byes

2010-12-22T19:36:00.003-08:00

Julia's tummy was still upset, so mom and her stayed at the hotel, I went to the Acrobat show, it was REALLLY good, not Circe de Soleil good, but VERY, VERY good.

Julia is still dealing with the runs, but we are packed up, extra clothes to change her on the plane,and in an hour we head out to drive to the airport, then around supper time here, we board a plan to Vancouver. Once there we have to go thru immigration then wait for our connecting flight to Edmonton, there is a few hours inbetween, but we hope there are no major delays, I would much rather have time to kill in a terminal than be dashing thru an airport in a panic with lots of carry on baggage and baby...

My pocket is full of animal balloons to use at ticket counters, and check ins to "brighten" their days and hopefully keep us moving. I have tried to be the first through the lines with our group to check in so that I can do the balloons. We never got any of our bags weighed so far, and we had our in-china luggage definitely overweight. Not sure if the balloons worked or not, but, regardless I like doing it and bringing smiles to their faces.

It has just been the last 3-4 days I have felt adjusted to China time, not sure what to expect with jet lag, but it will be all good.

We are ready to go, and be our family of 4, but the time has been amazing. So many "ups" and the downs(sickness, no Great Wall, and not able to visit orphanage) have not been anything we will regret or has been too much of a downer. God is GOOD.

Now to engage the plane trip....

T Square and Forbidden City

2010-12-21T22:12:00.009-08:00

Today was an odd day. first, it is our last full day here.I found by the end of this excursion I was feeling quite emotional about the fact we would be leaving. We soooo want to be home, we are missing Katie soooooo much and my Brother and Sister in Law are AMAZING in taking care of her, they have been such a gift to us, but it is time to become our family of 4. It was also odd in that I did the stuff today solo. Julia had a huge diaper blow out at breakfast time, so we decided to keep her in and I would go. It was cold and windy today, for that alone, was a good decision. She is certainly wiped out. I got back from the 9:30-1:30 jaunt and she had napped 2 time already and is still sleeping, so it was a good call. LONG time in the airplane tomorrow, hope she will be runs free...
Me in T Square.

Guards training in the security areas between T Square and Forbidden city
Entering Forbidden City.

One of the thrones inside one of the MANY buildings.

First sights upon entering Imperial Gardens in forbidden city. Some trees well over 300 years old!!!

More from Garden.

Forbidden city is quite a sight to behold, we only covered about half of it, it is a city within the city, MASSIVE, so many stories about what happens in there, what certain things stand for, ceremonies attached to each area...so rich in history...

On our way out Dave(one of the dads) was bartering for a book and the polic came by to tell the busker to leave, Dave got the book, then I went to get one and the Police said no, so we went to leave then out of no where there is shouting and the buskers husband??? comes up and slaps the police officer and yelling and screaming. I am not sure if I got it on tape or not, I ran my battery dry with all the footage of the day so I haven't uploaded yet, it is recharging, but 3 police came and were restraining him... so an eventful end to the trip.I did get a book a few minutes later and other busker came by, tried to short be 10 Yuan in my change, so we had a little talk, and I got all my change, he then tries to sell me another book...despite the language barrier he understood what I said, I wasn't buying again from someone who tries to cheat me. I played it up saying to him, "You insult me with your rude actions, Me no buy again from you" all played with a hurt and disgusted look on my face. Heh it was fun. Overall they are pushier in some areas more than others, but are harmless, and it is fun,mostly...

Tonight we get Julia's visa, hopefully take in a show, sleep and then the trip home!!! can't wait to be with family, jet lag and all and celebrate Christmas with them!

Silk Factory and Pearl Market, plus some fun party times

2010-12-21T21:31:00.009-08:00

What a full day. We started out by going to the Silk factory and we learned about the the life of a silk worm and got to see how they processed the silk and made silk comforters etc as well as see amazing silks. The quality is so nice, we ended up buying some gifts for the girls and family there, I was excited to find one that I will use in my magic act. I am working on Bian Lian, Chinese Opera Face changing trick. And this will become part of that act, so I was jazzed.We also got a couple of silk comforters and top line silk duvet covers(matching) for the girls beds,this was an unexpected purchase, but will be a lasting memory as well as serve a practical function as they are easy to clean and warm.

Old style silk spinning device.

After that we went to the pearl market. Cara and Julia went off shopping and Doug and his daughter and myself went across the street to take in the Temple of Heaven area. Got lots of video. This wasn't part of the trip, but there was no need for both of us to shop and Cara barters well and got some great quality pearls we will gift our daughters with when they get married. The smog was terrible this day, my throat was burning by the end of the day and we did a bunch of walking at the Temple, and we only covered about a quarter of it in an hour and a half, and we were moving. It was cool in we saw some locals doing what we would call Chinese line dancing, and took in some great sights.It will be nice to share this video with the family and it is another of China's cultural attractions so it was a nice bonus.

Julia enjoyed being out at the meal too!

Picture from the other night when we went to get Hot Pot for supper. She was happy to be there!

Eating at the Goodbye China party. We had the party a day early as Yulin was leaving a day early, it usually happens on the last full day.
We had some nice sweet and sour pork, some tasty beef and asparagus dish and Peking duck wraps.

It was a long day as we then went out for lunch, took in another market(which really wasn't necessary imo, it just made for too long a day). We had a bus load of cranky kids and hungry. Julia did awesome, but we packed enough to provide 2 bottles plus cereal to eat, other families weren't as prepared. We had been told half a day out, but it pays to be prepared. At 4:20 we got back to the hotel, she crashed, we then went out for the good bye China supper. Then there was a magic show, which was all done with music in the background, as there is an obvious language barrier. It was fun, the older kids there enjoyed it, it was all pretty basic magic shop dealer stuff, but it was fun. Yulin then asked me to come up and I did a couple of things for the group which was really fun and figured that was the highlight of the day for me, but wait!!! I looked up at the balcony in the restaurant after we had eaten some Bday cake and saw a fellow dressed in Chinese Opera robes and FACE Changing gear. NO WAY, get to see it live, OH YEAH!!!Front row seat , 7 feet from it, it was great. Really motivated me to get home and finish my practice of it so I can perform it. I am one of only a select few Westerners to be able to perform this long kept secret performance art. Got me pic taken with him after. Fun night, but a LOOOONG day.

Thumbs up. Magic is awesome!

Summer Palace

2010-12-20T05:10:00.011-08:00

Us just inside the Summer Palace.

Some of the over 40,000 DIFFERENT pictures along the longest corridor in the world.

Concrete boat, part of the history of this place.

In the summer palace.
Lady who gifted Julia with the hat. She took quite a liking to our little Jewel!
Mom and Babe, reading together.

Been a bit since I posted. We had a couple of lazy days, Cara caught a 24 flu bug, it has been going around our group and needed some time to recover, so we opted out of the Great Wall visit. The next day we hung around, did a trip to the mall, got a few groceries and did a McDonalds lunch.

Last nite we had a meltdown, Julia was crying HARD in her sleep. We had had a great day with her, and I believe it was just part of her grieving her loses as she continues the process of bonding and attaching to us, it is good to know what the reasons are, but it broke my heart to see her little heart in pain. We will see how tonite goes. She ahs been sleeping in bed with Cara, we have twin beds int he room, and I know that is really comforting for her, and helps the bonding process also.

Today, Monday, was the Summer Palace visit in the afternoon.It would be gorgeous in the summer, when all the plants were in bloom, but I enjoy looking at the trees as they have so much character, as they "train" as well as trim the trees so you get beautiful shapes. I love bonsai trees, and still hoping I can see some before we leave...time will tell.

The street vendors are really pushy here, and it is one of the places where counterfeit money is used, the vendors will give you fake money for change from purchases or switch out your bill and say it is no good and actually give you not good money back. My magician spirit was roused and I so wanted to see if we could find one who would do this as I had a fun trick up my sleeve to change money, in front of their eyes to something else, but alas I never got the opportunity to do it.

We draw a crowd where ever we go in public, and one group of 3 ladies took a shine to Julia and ended up buying her a panda hat from a vendor, very sweet, I make her a balloon teddy bear as a token of thanks.

We misheard instructions and thought we could venture off on our own, so we did, but we were supposed to stay with the group, so they sent Faye off to find us(sorry group, but we had fun exploring...).
It was a lot of fun and so much history. I live that about China they have such interesting history and culture.

We were able to go out with our group for supper together and had hot pot( I have had it a bunch in Canada, I don't know why I didn't think to ask about it here, to see if we could get it, as it would be safe food for us...) so that was fun and I broke out the balloon animals and made some for some of the kids who were in the restaurant and for our travel group. Had a blast, totally my element!

Tomorrow is a visit to the silk factory( I can't wait) and the pearl market(Cara is excited!), we then have a "birthday" party in the evening. They have hired a magician and we will have food, etc, should be fun, interested to see what HE has up his sleeve.

It was really nice to get out of the room and explore, and I love walking through the historical areas of China and soaking in the culture, which we could spend more time and more relaxed time doing that. Julia travels well, and is soooo happy and enjoys soaking everything in.

Posting video from Nanchang just before gotcha moments

2010-12-18T19:53:00.002-08:00

At the mall in Nanchang. Daddy with Julia in Carrier

2010-12-18T19:47:00.002-08:00

Some video from Nanchang

2010-12-18T19:38:00.002-08:00

First 7 hours awake in Beijing thoughts

2010-12-17T21:25:00.008-08:00

Saying goodbye to her home province...

Asleep on the bus heading to the airport in Nanchang

Waiting in Nanchang airport to head to Beijing
Saturday morning group picture. Yulin trying to get us all together, I stepped out to take this shot :)

First nite in Beijing with Julia, elevator picture
Well the last leg of the race begins here. Baby and I slept well last nite, not long enough but okay. Cara had something that upset her stomach and has the runs, she is resting now and we have taken a few things to try to deal with it, hopefully today will be the recovery day.

Julia and I had our first adventure together today.

With mommy not feeling great I took babe down to breakfast and had a quick bite, then off to Yulin's room to do paperwork.After filling our citizenship papers and trying to get her picture for it( she wouldn't look directly at the camera, made the girls who were taking the pictures REALLLLLY work for it). We finally got a picture that worked. We then went to the lobby of the Presidential Palace Hotel we are staying at for a group picture. Then Cara crashed again, her tummy has not been good today, she has slept most of the day as she was up most of the nite.
Those thoughts above written at the 7 hour mark...now it is later in the day.

After the group picture Cara slept and I got Julia ready to head to the grocery store so we could continue our daddy daughter adventure in Beijing. Hooked into the Snuggli away we went, it wasn't too far, she loves looking up and checking out the tall buildings and soaking in the sounds. We found the grocery store no problem, it was in the basement of a nice mall. Once in the grocery store she was napping, it is soooo warm in nice buildings in China, I think I lost 4 pounds from sweating. So got some water and few odd things and back to the hotel. We much prefer the hotel in Nanchang. Better service, better space, nicer environment. Now this place isn't a dump or anything, it was just that at the Galactic, everyone was super nice, super available and lots of folks to help you, and the room had great features, full fridge, big bathroom, rooms to move. This room has too much furniture and no flat spaces to set up a food prep area, a change area etc. but it will do.

After that trip, got to change her, and feed her for the first time, both her cereal and her bottle. For attachment reasons we have left these areas for Cara, but fortunately she is realizing slowly I am a good guy and she and I are starting to build our friendship.

Although for Cara this was her worst day, it was my best, after gotcha day. Julia and I played together, explored the hotel a bit, got a couple little things to bring home, I tickled her, was able to comfort her when she was fussing, and she has fallen asleep in the snuggli with me, and rested so well after the bottle. To be able to hold her that close, snuggle her, and have her soak it in was beyond words, it so filled my heart, and then as we were playing she looked at me, I mean REALLY looked at me, eye to eye connection, and smiled her huge smile, then blew a raspberry at me, I returned the spit (mixed with tears of joy), flying raspberry to her, it was our moment, a significant first step in our lifetime of building that beautiful sacred father daughter bond TOGETHER.So cherished.

Cara was up a bit in the late afternoon so I had as shower, ran some laundry to the guy who will do it for us, did a solo run to the grocery for more water( I couldn't carry that much with Julia during the first run and who knows when we will be able to make another run, things get busy, if we are able to do the excursions. The group went toe the zoo today, seemed like a good time, from teh few reports I have heard so far, Marina and her little one also stayed and crashed her to build up some energy.

So tomorrow will be the great wall and jade factory, if we are up for it, it is a 9-5 day, so that is a lot to bring baby on, and a hopefully recovered Cara, so we will just have to see if we do it or not.

Friday-what is happening

2010-12-16T14:00:00.002-08:00

Today is the last day in Nanchang. We will clean up, pack and hang out until 3 pm then head to the airport to go to Beijing. then it will get busy, papertrails, and some major excursions(these are optional) so we will just see how everyone feels. We will connect with the other 2 families from our travel group, and hear of their adventures. Next posts, internet willing will be in Beijing!

Thursday in Nanchang

2010-12-16T12:55:00.009-08:00

Well due the weather of yesterday our guide told us our orphanage visit was likely not going to happen, the roads would be too dangerous, and that was the case. We are somewhat disappointing, but we know the timing and events of this trip are in God's hands, so we are content.

So it was mall day today. We went to a nice mall, it was huge, but with one exit, you take escalators up or down but it s all contained inside one building that goes straight up. Today would be a day of just being in China and being amongst the people. It was great, lots of interactions with the locals trying to talk to us, pleased we were adopting, lots of "Beautiful girl" comments about Julia which we heartily affirmed.

We got a couple pieces of clothing for Julia, as nice coat, as the one she came in is not one we want her to stay in, this one is warmer and nicer.

Our morning started at 4:30 with a secret adventure of eating the dragon fruit we bought, and chatting about life as a couple(haven't had much time for that with baby, it was nice) however those whispers got Julia awake early and she ended up being up by 5, then having to nap at 7, didn't nap while we were out so she collapsed once we got off the bus, as the photo shows. We also went to bed early Thursday nite and I got 8.5 hours of sleep, OH YEAH BABY!!!! bring it on! Back to Thursday...

Prior to the mall we went to a porcelain shop. This area is famous for it, so we wanted a piece of that to bring home. First chance to barter, LOVE it. It is such a game. They bring a calculator, punch in a number, you look shocked, counter with a number about half of it or less, they laugh or shake head rigorously no, counter, and back and forth you go. At one point it is good to shake your head no and walk away and they will bring you back and likely "settle" for your last number, and all walk away happy.

We did a mcdonalds run for lunch, wasn't hungry so I never ate, I took some video(got in trouble for it, but it was worth it :) ).

On the way back from the mall the husbands jumped off the bus and we did another Walmart run and walked back to the hotel,about 2 km walk, but it was nice Got some nice video of the August 1 monument, a historical area commemorating 1927 battle.

1927 – The Nanchang Uprising marks the first significant battle in the Chinese Civil War between the Kuomintang and Communist Party of China. This day is commemorated as the anniversary of the founding of the People's Liberation Army.

Also got to walk thru the streets of China, see everything from rich area to poor. The little shops, and you see the laundry hanging out the windows, to unlit, unheated areas that house shops. We walked past poor people asleep on the ground,with a small lid of a box with a few coins in it, to fancy hotel area.

It has been fun walking across the street, I think I totally have the mindset for it and have navigated across, babe in arms, with ease(hearing Cara tense behind us and me saying, just follow our lead!)

And note the best part of the day, in 3 words in that last paragraph...babe in arms!!!

Had an awesome morning in that she let me hold her without her fussing, some time with mom in view, some without her in view, it was awesome, longest holding time so far.So it is a small, but oh so delightful first step towards her coming to accept my love and comfort. YES!!!!

travel group thoughts and a link

2010-12-15T12:31:00.002-08:00

This link takes you to the blog of one of our travel group they have a couple videos up so far, one of our group storming the elevator to get our babies...

http://chinasladybugsbaby.blogspot.com/

Cara and I were talking last night about our travel group. They are a good group to be with. we are sad we aren't able to eat many meals with them due to us hanging at the western food side of things due to allergies, but we have managed to connect a few times for breakfasts and of course during travel events.

All our kids are similar ages, and great kids. Jenn and Jeff(the ones in the blog link)brought their 2 girls with them. Fun couple. We have connected a bunch with them, and really enjoy their company. Dave and Wendy brought 3 of their kids(left a younger one at home, so we connect that way) and Dave's mom is also along. Another great couple, They seem to be our breakfast buddies. Wendy knows a bit of the language and Dave is aces with the camera. Great Family! Marina and her friend Kathy round out our Nanchang group(we will connect with a couple other families back in Beijing). Enjoy Marina, we did a number of info exchanges via email prior to coming, she, like me, likes to be armed with info, and it is cool seeing her just engage everything with her best friend who is a great support for her. We are all having a great time, the babies sleep well overall, jet lag is probably the bigger issue for us Canadians to deal with than the concept of the new babies sleep stuff, so that is a real gift.

I seem to gain 30 minutes of total sleep time each night here, up to 6 hours for Wednesday nite Yippee!!!

Weather forecast says couple degrees Celcius, possible precipitation, so mot sure what that means for out outings today.Post again when I am able.

Teng Wang-Day 3, or 4...who knows :)

2010-12-15T01:29:00.010-08:00

Teng Wang pavilion history, swiped from wikipedia:

The Pavilion of Prince Teng (simplified Chinese: 滕王阁; traditional Chinese: 滕王閣; pinyin: Téngwáng Gé) or Tengwang Pavilion is a building in the north west of the city of Nanchang, in Jiangxi province, China, on the east bank of the Gan River and is one of the Four Great Towers of China. It has been destroyed and rebuilt many times over its history. The present building was rebuilt in 1989 on the original site.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 History
* 2 The Present
* 3 Influences
* 4 Construction Timeline[3]
* 5 See also
* 6 Notes
* 7 References
History

The Pavilion of Prince Teng was first built in 653 AD, by Li Yuanying (simplified Chinese: 李元婴; traditional Chinese: 李元嬰; pinyin: Lǐ Yuányīng), the younger brother of Emperor Taizong of Tang and uncle of Emperor Gaozong of Tang. Li Yuanying was enfeoffed as Prince Teng in 639 and spent his early years in Suzhou. In 652 he was assigned the governorship of Nanchang where the pavilion served as his townhouse. Twenty years later, the building was rebuilt by the new governor. Upon its completion, a group of local intelligentsia gathered to compose prose and poetry about the building. The most famous of these is the Preface to the Pavilion of Prince Teng (simplified Chinese: 滕王阁序记; pinyin: Téngwáng Gé Xùjì) by Wang Bo. This piece made the Pavilion of Prince Teng a household name in China down to the present day.

The Pavilion was to be destroyed and rebuilt a total of 29 times over the next centuries[1]. The building itself changed shape and function many times. The penultimate construction was in the Tongzhi era of the Qing Dynasty. That building was destroyed in October 1926 during the chaotic warlords era
The Present

The present Pavilion of Prince Teng was completed on 8 October 1989, and is now a landmark of Nanchang. The building is of reinforced concrete structure, but decorated in faux-Song Dynasty style. It is 57.5 metres tall and has nine stories. The building has a total floor area of 13000 square metres.

The building sits atop 12-metre tall concrete platform, which is intended to symbolize the now-destroyed ancient city wall. A stainless steel tablet at the entrance is engraved with a calligraphy work of Mao Zedong.

The building mainly serves tourism purposes. Apart from internal decoration, attractions include a theatre staging simulated period musical performances, and displays of reconstructed ancient instruments. There are some restaurants and souvenir shops. The streets around the pavilion have been designed to conform with its style. This area has become the centre of Nanchang's antiques trade.
[edit] Influences

The Pavilion of Prince Teng achieved national fame through the Preface to the Pavilion of Prince Teng. As a result, it was endowed by later generations with almost legendary status as an example of magnificent architecture. When the Forbidden City was built, its corner towers were built to imitate the Pavilion of Prince Teng and the Yellow Crane Pavilion as depicted in Song Dynasty paintings. (Strangely, both pavilions are depicted identically in surviving paintings.) These uniquely structured corner towers remain some of the most valued architectural treasures of the Forbidden City Construction Timeline[3]
Year Event
653 Constructed
675 Reconstructed
790 Reconstructed
820 Reconstructed
848 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire
1108 Reconstructed. Smaller structures added to the north and south of the main pavilion. The northern structure is named "Pulling Emerald-Green Pavilion" (Chinese: 挹翠亭; pinyin: Yì Cuì Tíng) and the southern structure is named "Pressing River Pavilion" (Chinese: 压江亭; pinyin: Yā Jiāng Tíng).
1294 Placed on top of the city walls after being damaged several times during wars.
1336 Reconstruction started in 1334 and completed in 1336
1436 Reconstructed after sinking into the river. It is renamed "Greeting Kindness Hall" (Chinese: 迎恩堂; pinyin: Yíng Ēn Táng).
1452 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire. It is renamed "Number 1 Building in Xi Jiang" (Chinese: 西江第一楼; pinyin: Xī Jiāng Dí Yì Lóu).
1468 Reconstructed after it collapses. Its original name restored.
1527 Reconstructed after being destroyed earlier in the Chen Hao Uprising (Chinese: 宸濠之乱; pinyin: Chén Háo zhi Luàn).
1599 Reconstructed after being near collapse.
1616 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire.
1634 Reconstruction starts in 1633 and completes the following year.
1648 Destroyed when it catches fire while defending Ming generals torch surrounding area to open a clear perimeter against advancing Qing troops.
1654 Reconstructed
1679 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire.
1682 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire.
1685 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire.
1702 Reconstructed
1706 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire.
1731 Destroyed in a fire
1736 Reconstructed
1743 Reconstructed and again renamed "Number 1 Building in Xi Jiang".
1788 Reconstructed after it collapses.
1805 Reconstructed
1812 Reconstructed
1847 Reconstructed twice after multiple fires.
1853 Destroyed with much of Nanchang in a three day fire during Tai Ping Rebellion attack.
1873 Reconstruction started in 1872 and completed the following year.
1909 Reconstructed after being destroyed in a fire.
1926 Destroyed by defenders when Nanchang is attacked by the Northern Expedition.
1935 An attempt to reconstruct is halted due to the Japanese invasion.
1985 Reconstructed
1991 The smaller buildings "Pulling Emerald-Green Pavilion" and "Pressing River Pavilion" are restored.

Okay, now the adventure:
You see some of the area covered with snow, it is more like ice pellets, we didn't get as many pictures because we were holding on to our spouses and babies to ensure the wind didn't make them slip, winds so strong, turning our umbrellas inside out and pelting us with hard ice pellets, slush on tiled steps making climbing 6 or more stories quite an adventure. but we made it to the top. Wet feet, happy babies, relieved parents, and guide. Poor Mary was so concerned for us. And then there is Jeff.

We were prepared for weather in Nanchang to be 12-17 celcius. We got minus 3 and an ice storm, so due to luggage restrictions Jeff and family only brought certain amount of clothes, we left some of ours in Beiijing too, anyhow, he ended up having to give up his coat to keep his family warm, so here is this group of crazy Canadians braving this storm and Jeff short sleeves leading the pack...awesome!!!! Wish we had video, but it would have wreaked the camera.

Anyhow, once there were were good. Unfortunately they aren't prepared for this weather and the building has water leaking in several areas, including the theatre, so the performance was canceled, This was a bummer, but we did get to go on stage, fool around with the instruments on there, and we took lots of pictures and video inside. Lot of history and art, it was SWEET!. We also picked up a picture of ourselves dressed in ceremonial robes sitting on a royal throne, yup real touristy, but will be a fun memory.

Half the floors are open the other half closed, it was cold on the open floors, felt bad for those working there. I took some video from the top of it, and the wind was so strong I actually was moved(slid) while standing in place.

Despite the weather, it was awesome, so nice to do something that got us into the history and culture of our Julia's homeland.

What a character!

2010-12-15T01:06:00.005-08:00

Here are a few faces from her captured in around a 30 minute play time session. We are noticing she is sitting up better, she is working it, she will even work up a sweat working those little muscles, she so wants to engage this world(and keep a close eye on mummy, she is in love, can't take her eyes off her!

I'm full now...

Happy Girl

Oh yeah, I got it and I flaunt it

Play is serious stuff!

No caption conveys what this picture says all on its own LOL!

Red Thread

2010-12-15T00:13:00.003-08:00

Well, not as polished as I would have liked it, we had just gotten in from the 16 hours of flying and traveled to Beijing to crash for the night. I had wanted to do this trick for Julia for quite some time, didn't have a good video camera, ended up getting one a day before we left, then with the final push to pack and go, just didn't get around to doing it. The poem is not mine, I found it on the web.Here it is in it's raw, "unplugged fashion".

A red thread to China was cast today
From us to a child so far away.
This thread symbolizes an attachment of hearts
That distance alone can't keep us apart.

Her mother and I are caught in a chase
That time alone will bring us to face
This loving young child we want so much to greet
With love in our hearts before we did meet.

This tiny, thin thread may stretch, tangle or fray
But our love for her grows stronger each day.
Through the test of time it won't break or sever
She'll be part of us forever and ever.

With oceans between us, the distance is spanned
By a love that is greater than man could have planned.
For God in His mercy loved her and us
And decided our family would be a great plus.

So for now we'll just love her and pray every day
That God keeps her and loves her for us till we may
Travel to China, that land of great past,
To the side of our daughter, to hold her at last.

Can't describe the feelings of actually being in China, knowing the next day she was to be ours,but it is reality, and it is so sweet and is no trick :)!

Snow in Nanchang.

2010-12-14T21:23:00.003-08:00

We were expecting it to be colder in Beijing, but we have encountered snow in Nanchang. Last week was 17 degrees here, now snow, feels like Canada!

This weather could definitely change our plans to go to Wanzai tomorrow to visit the orphanage and foster mom, so we will just have to see what tomorrow brings.

We had fun at the Teng Wang pavilion today, quite and adventure. Still have to upload pictures, so will likely post about that when I am awake at 2:30am tomorrow :)

Some Random Randy Ramblings...

2010-12-14T11:39:00.002-08:00

I love seeing my Julia's eyes light up when she sees her mom, and how she follows her everywhere with those eyes.

I love hearing the cooing and giggles.

I love hearing her sleep(would love to be asleep then too, but this is a blessing in that).

I love hearing the excitement from family and friends over our blessing.

As Cara posted below what has been hard for me is not being able to comfort my girl, it kills me, BUT it is intentional pain as it serves a greater purpose of helping her trust and depend on us, big picture as her forever family, and I will GLADLY take whatever pain if it can relieve ANY of hers.And yes I will cry like a baby when my baby accepts me as dad. Even the times she has reached out and touched my face and given a small smile have sent me over the edge. Being dad to a little girl, is such a privilege.

Adoption is a gift for all parties involved, but it is not always the easiest path, BUT it is an awesome one. There are realities that are hard, my beautiful 8 month old is not 8 months old physically/developmentally. She doesn't have the same strength and mobility other kids at their age do-BUT we see improvements already,as she is loved and intentionally helped with exercise, we are blessed that she WANTS to be more active ,that she will start to work her body to reach further for toys, to start to hold onto Cara or myself more when we pick her up. This is NOT a barrier that can't be overcome. In a few months she will catch up as we are intentional in this area.

It is hard to know she feels pain and anxiety when mommy leaves the room, because in her little heart she thinks, "Am I going to be left again?". Again not a barrier that can't be conquered, and we pray she will know that her birth mom did NOT Abandon her...

She was INTENTIONALLY placed in a safe place where the birth mom knew she would be cared for. She is not a mistake, she is here(alive) for a reason, and it is a GOOD reason.

It is going to be a challenge for us as a family.When biologically you add a child to your family, you have time to transition ,baby is a few days old, sleeps lots, you have time to help other kids learn how to act etc.(this is not saying it is a piece of cake to add to your family biologically, just providing a perspective here) Come December 23 we have an "instantly here" 8 month old for our 22 month old to deal with, and for us to find our new normal. Big strain on Cara(She IS such as awesome mom- wouldn't dream of doing this thing without her, and COULD NOT do it without her-moms are the frontline workers, even when they have actively engaged husbands in the mix). But what a wonderful experience to be a family to a child without one and to experience being a family with her.

Our travel group is joking about the Grandma clothing police encounters we have, and what is cool is we know those heart intentions are good, so I smile when it happens, it is all part of the experience and I am happy to let that happen. I am so glad I have family that understands the attachment process and knows that the steps we take, with the holding and particular things we do to care for her is intentional, and that their respecting of that shows us and her so much love and respect. It will be a challenge to deal with folks "out there" that just don't understand, that judge, and think we are being too weird about it, that we should pass her around like every other child has happen to them when they arrive in a family...

I am praying now for grace and patience to be able to tell them every other child has not had to experience orphanage life, to be taken here and there having a few to multiple caregivers(and there are wonderful folks doing this, don't get me wrong they are a gift, but it is gift coming out of what is not normal and this effects my babies perspective on her world) and sees her world as scary and unstable and seeing a sea of faces in hers only communicates, "is this going to be who I get love from? Who will care for me, oh passed off to another one... won't anyone hold me and care for me forever, what is wrong with me,I am scared, will I get food in my tummy when it hurts? Will someone hold me when I cry, I don't know I can trust them or not..."

So if by chance you are reading this and you aren't informed from an adopted families perspective, of these dynamics, and that we HAVE to do things differently for our babies sake, please try to put yourself in this babies place, arm yourself with some real knowledge of adoption dynamics so you can SUPPORT families you know who are on this journey, not be a stress to them. Email or talk to me, I will happily resource you with info you can use or pass along to others who need it so that more people become aware of the dynamics so they don't say and do stupid stuff(intentionally or inadvertently) that hurts these precious ones, they have had to experience more of that in their short lives already than is right. Okay, sermon done LOL, I am just so passionate about this, children are such treasures and have such value, it just gets me fired up, even running on waaay to little sleep!

A post from the mom :)

2010-12-14T11:16:00.002-08:00

Raining... in Nanchang.

I am awake. it is only 1 am. I am sure I will go back to sleep(editor note-she did I am jealous :)), but for some reason this seemed alright to get up and take a few minutes in the quiet night to sit and write. I wanted to share my thoughts, to describe my heart and my surroundings. My life has just changed and I don't want to forget how I felt... in these very precious moments here in the home province of my daughter, so many many miles from her forever home, where life is so very different.

Just knowing that I am only here for 12 days places a feeling of urgency in my heart, I look forward to experiencing so many things, on the outside of the walls of our hotel, but inside, the need to give Julia a stability and a chance to know she won't be left without us, presses us to retreat to our quiet room. I can look outside, and we have traveled a bit to some government offices to have paperwork signing done. But otherwise we have chosen to just 'hunker down' as a good friend taught me to do when your children need more attention than the world around you.

But today... the 15th (here), is our sightseeing day.

Today we will go outside. On our trip to Walmart yesterday I was so interested to see Julia's response to the world that she knows. So many interesting things were in the Walmart, I would never have believed if I wouldn't have seen it with my own eyes. I was happy the meat department didn't have live animals! But it was pretty market place-ish otherwise! LOL!

So many women approached us (Julia was snuggled into the sling on me) with sweet greetings to her, and clucked their tongues like they were calling a horse. Funny how even our friendly noises are so different! Julia would look at all of them and even smile for them if they were entertaining enough! She is not unfamiliar with good attentions I am guessing. Katie would do that too... but I said to Randy later, after a whole hour of store interactions, that Katie would be grinning, and waving and wanting to bless each of them with a hug. It made me smile to think of her with us, and not being the center of attention here. She is so personable! It was interesting to imagine our world as it is now, and the interactions I receive daily from it, while I hold Katie and walk through a store. So much change will come, but I know one thing, we will always have interactions from those around us! Now I am just more culturally diverse... just a little picture of the races of the world, the three of us in Superstore! I have seen here the beautiful and kind interactions of a culture, I wonder if it will be as kind and respectful when we get home.

Julia has a ready smile and a dimple in a sweet spot on her chin. I just love to tickle and kiss her cheeks and it is wonderful to have them received. a great feature in this home is our giggles and antics(after 22 months of hard training, it is clearly not just me that gets into trouble!) I am so blessed that our family is more joyful than it is not. I reflected yesterday with Randy that I was so grateful to feel again that I am a good mom. That God made me to be a mommy. some how that can get lost in my exhaustion. My desire to be really focused and on task, pushes my nurturing to the side often....probably because focused and on task are the weaker parts of me.... My heart breaks when I see my daughter, after my day has run the gauntlet of laundry, cleaning up, errands, potty training, shopping, time outs, nap deadlines and any other thing that enters the day that does not allow me to focus my heart on what really matters. I am confident that she knows my love for her, but I long to just find the balance so that my day is focused, and not so I can get more done, but so that my effort of staying home with them, will be an investment I make every day ... on purpose... and that they love the time as much as I do. and that I love the time with them to the measure of how much they deserve to be treasured.

Over the next few quiet...and not so quiet.... but away... days, I am looking forward to: Taking photographs. (I love photography. I really do! In the struggle to quiet myself to just stop and take a moment to see the world around me and then look at the details, I find this hobby to be invaluable. It refreshes my spirit to take in the beautiful details. Having what I notice in those quiet moments captured is a treasure to me. it is my art, and I see Chinese beauty here! I am so hoping for the opportunity to photograph some special places.

I also look forward to exploring the small town Julia was born in. I am eager. anticipating. ready to go now. When we would talk about the option over the past years, we wondered on the wisdom of bringing her back there, but now that we are here, I feel like it is a link to her story that we must make for her. I don't know that we will spend a lot of time with her caregiver or even go to the orphanage. I really just want to see her hometown. I want to feel the climate of her people, and breathe the air her birth mother breathes. I want gather pieces of her life from here, the places that matter, not the big city that she has only been in for these past few days.

I look forward to Julia growing more and more at home with us. It has been the hardest part these past few days to taking the lead on the attachment with Julia. She has shown amazingly great signs to us that she will attach well. It is with purpose that we are attaching me as her primary caregiver first... but the hard part of that, is the absence of the connection time with daddy. Julia is strongly connecting with me, and to the extent that daddy's comfort won't soothe her. So hard on daddy! I look forward to the shared joy of being hers. She is his hearts completion. All I know is the day she leans her head in to his shoulder and sighs with relief that HER DADDY has rescued her... will be the day my husband SOBS like a baby himself! :) we have some work to do before that can happen, so I look forward to that transition... maybe in the next 10 days... maybe further along.

What else... well typically I should be listing things like trying the great cuisine of the area, but ... nope... that won't be on MY list. or maybe I should look forward to seeing some of the great sights here. I guess I am ... sort of.... but really.... my mission here is so singular. So focused. We are going to see some amazing places... and we are going to experience some fabulous culture... but we are so not here on a sight seeing tour. We are here because we are blessed to love. We have been given a little bundle of joy. And being with her... even just here in our hotel room... is a focus I would like to not lose. I am sure that if we were to return, it would be more determined to sight the place out. but I am not here for that right now. I am going to do what it takes to get what I want. And I want my daughter to know I am her mommy... and Randy is her daddy... and I want her to feel safe... and stable and secure. So the blessings for this trip will be the fruit that is produced in those areas. I am excited for that fruit!

so that is my diatribe. my minds journey for the morning... although early and it might have a few more trails in the day to come..

The best part is just having her! I just am so happy to have her. I love hearing her breathe as she sleeps... and the soft baby cheeks I can now kiss...and the chubby little hands that now squeeze around my finger and I love her brilliant, alert beautiful brown eyes. The best part of this trip is already over... if the trip were over, I would be ready to come home now .... but I will take in a few more quiet moments, it won't be as quiet with the two girls in the house.... my friend Tara was right... these precious moments with just Julia are so special, and she deserves to have all of me and all my attention right now! I am so grateful I don't have so many other things that the regular day holds, for these few days away in a quiet place, I am fully hers, and she is fully ours, and we can ... just be.

I am going to go make sure she is still covered... and crawl back into bed for a nap... for the rest of the night. If I think of it that way, like... shutting off the alarm clock after it rang, and deciding NOT to go to work after all... I may just return to the land of sleep... grateful for a few more "stolen" zzz's from the day! or... maybe Jetlag will just not allow me ... but I can at least try!

Hope your day is great. we will be savoring ours.
blessings,
Cara

Julia and the water mat

2010-12-13T20:48:00.002-08:00

Walmart and another official visit(translated means sign something :0 )

2010-12-13T20:28:00.008-08:00

Not sure what order the pictures will be in, but today, Tuesday, in Nanchang, we left at 9:00 ish to get another visit done, sign some more papers, this was for Julia's passport so she can travel on Friday.

I did a bunch of video today, trying to capture the feel of driving in China, it is a hoot, so insane. Glad I am not driving. If I have time and ability to edit video I will post something one of these days :).

Cara is just feeding Julia right now. She seems quite content(both of them :) ).

We finished our visit then hit the local Walmart super center. Two floors, the top floor is clothes and general items, the second floor is food. LOTS of food. Dried chickens and turkeys hanging, pig noses, and the fish stuff, is amazing.

We picked up a cute suit/dress idea for both Katie and Julia to be matching in, grabbed some BABY mandarin oranges(you can fit 5-6 in your hand, so fresh the leaves from the tree come with it. We also got a dragonfruit to try. Will take a picture of it before we eat it, VERY fun looking fruit.

Grandma clothing police pull over while in store- 3, Cara showed the layers in the cart and got the nod, those gramma's are tough ;)

Going to be an easy day today, hang around the hotel and just rest.

Doing some intro planning about going to the orphanage and area where Julia was born, seems promising, just have to have the guide determine a few things, so fingers crossed. We hope to more meet with the foster mom for a bit, just to have a bit of video with her, and then we really want to get a feel for the place she was born, so really hoping this comes together.

It has been hard to hang back and let Cara be the main caregiver and focal point for Julia, but I feel it is best for her, until we know she is totally in love with this woman I have fallen for also, then I can step in and win this little ones heart also.

Caught by the police...

2010-12-13T13:19:00.010-08:00

In the lobby of the hotel preparing to go to the adoption center

At the adoption center with one of the ladies and her girl talking after "the interview". you go into a room and they ask you what you will do to help educate, them, are you happy with her, will you care for her, you exchange gifts, and sign some more paper and then off to the next papertrail station LOL
With the director of the orphanage and the official adoption certificate, she is ours!!!!

At vancouver preparing to head to Beijing
Our room in Nanchang

When we were leaving the adoption center, Cara was putting Julia into the snugglie and we had one of the grandma clothing police approach, touched Julias leg and had a concerned look and said something(we can assume it went like this..."where are the 17 layers of clothes on this child, she will catch a cold in this 12 degree celclius weather, tsk tsk so much to learn as parents"... LOL
We were aware this would happen. I showed her the blanket and lined snugglie cover that was going on and we got a small nod of approval, so we were "released" to go about our day, heh gotta love it!

Everyone has been awesome to be with, we hope we can get out and experience China a bit more, rain is predicted most of the week here in Nanchang, but we are tired but excited about what is ahead.

Today, more paperwork, and a likely China walmart shopping experience!

WE have found a Western style restaurant in the hotel which we have had decent food at, and our guide gave us detailed notes warning the cook about our allergies, so we may be sleep deprived, but we haven't had to break out the camp food we brought with us and that is a GOOD thing LOL

Gotcha day!!!

2010-12-13T01:42:00.007-08:00

Line up for tickets

I will post more about this awesome day later. Everyone is tired and hungry.
We jumped on the plane with our travel group to Nanchang and left at 8:40 am. We arrived around 11 am. It is raining quite a bit, but not really cold.
We jumped in a van and had a 40 minute drive to the hotel, we were told the babies were AT THE HOTEL and waiting for us. We literally walked into the hotel and rode up to the 3rd floor to get the babies, didn't check in, didn't care, we were on a mission, so clear the path!

I saw Julia right away, even though there were just 3 families in our group, it was still pretty chaotic connecting, getting our girls, trying to get info from the director. They were all hungry and needing baths, and hugs and kisses and they got the latter and some food, but we only had an hour to go to our room, find food for her, get going and 1:30 we started the paper trail.

Julia has been soaking this whole thing in, she is very tuned in to watching, she has great eye contact, particularly with mom, and Cara has made her laugh.We haven't had any major melt down yet, but it will come, she is delightful.

She is developmentally behind(this is no surprise,we knew this going in, and know she will make great strides when cared for and given exercise etc) she is cooing and giggling and will grab a toy, but doesn't hold on yet, she will stay limp in your arms, making you feel all 20 lbs of her LOL. We expect in a couple weeks we will see changes in this and her grab more.She has 6 teeth.She enjoyed her first bath with us.She is attentive and beautiful.

It has been such a whirlwind that processing and feelings are still catching up. I got a bit teary as we headed towards the room with them in it, and then teared up holding her at the adoption office,it is just surreal having her,such an amazing gift.

The director invited us to come to the orphanage, which we jumped on, we just have to work out details, so you can pray for that to come together, rides here are nuts, we have seen a couple accidents and people just about run over...more to come!!!!

1:45pm alberta time...add 6-7 hours and we will have her

2010-12-12T12:44:00.001-08:00

It is 4:30 am on the 13th, in 6-7 hours, give or take we will have her in our arms...now to lug luggage downstairs and "get on the bus"(Doodlebops song, Katies favorite show, is running thru my head...ARRRGH ;0 )

We are in Beijing

2010-12-12T03:37:00.001-08:00

We have made it. flight was an hour longer than we planned. There was a problem passenger who ,we think, was refusing to turn off their computer prior to take off, so we are out on the runway and had to come back. Security escorted them out, then we had to wait for the bags to be taken out. When we landed in Vancouver we had to get towed in as a hydrolic line burst, so the plane had no power steering, but we will made the connecting flight with time to spare.

Backs are sore from sitting so long,but flight, otherwise went well, and our room is excellent, nonsmoking floor. The drive in defies description there are no perceived traffic laws, cars all over the place, pedestrians stepping out in front of the cars, insane, but we were too tired to care so it was all good LOL.

Tomorrow we wake up early to fly to get our girl!!!!!!!!!!Tomorrow is forever family day!

in vancouver

2010-12-11T11:48:00.001-08:00

we made it and ready to board to Beijing!!!!

Can't....believe....it...is...going....to ....happen....

2010-12-10T10:31:00.002-08:00

It has become real, we got the suitcases shut and the pile of papers assembled and are chilling with family getting Katie settled. I am SOOOOOO thankful for family to care for my little girl at home. As excited as I am about getting my Julia, man it is hard leaving her. I know it is the best thing, but UGH!!!!

Friends have been awesome, from surprise gifts, visits, airport send offs, support, help, house cleaning, grocery buying, covering work stuff and more, they are gifts!

Tomorrow at this time we will be in air on our way...CRAZY!!!! Bring it on!!!

Can't believe it is happening!

2010-12-08T20:18:00.002-08:00

One sleep then we begin...

Get Katie settled with family for a day, then off and flying. WOW!

cool in China, warming up here...Nanchang 5 celcius, Beijing 0, burning through the to do lists here, keeping it hot-2 days to go!

2010-12-07T08:35:00.003-08:00

Got our TA and passports/Visas back yesterday afternoon. Today is paper push day, filling out the rest of the forms, getting the papers we need copied. Cara is working on packing, called in some friends to help distract Katie, so productive can increase.

I have had 2 great nights of sleep, which at this point is reminding me how nice it is to have sleep and that I want more of it :). Only couple more days of that, and then it will be a whole new ball game with baby :)!

When I actually stop to think about it, I get butterflies, I WILL be holding my Julia, oh so soon. I am trying to be at rest with the idea that I simply am not going to be productive to any degree at work and to just let it be, get the basics done and consider it a success. My brain goes from numb, to empty, to sleepy, to repeat cycle, with momentary moments of clarity and wild excitement.

Our suitcases look like they were an a roller coaster and have thrown up their contents, making me wonder how we are going to:
1. Get it all in there.
2. Carry all this stuff.

Still some misc. stuff to get, seems every day we run out of something or discover something else to get, methinks we are going to have to do some prioritizing and leave some stuff...but we will see what the Weigh scale says, it will be our judge :)!

Also looking forward to connecting face to face with our travel group, should be fun.

Our plan is to post to the blog general updates and summary of days, and use Facebook for quicker updates etc.

13-20 in nanchang, 3 in Beijing,-9 in GP, Monday is photocopy day...and yes I need more sleep LOL

2010-12-04T06:30:00.002-08:00

Still warm in Nanchang, getting colder in Beijing, above average in GP weather wise and our passports and TA should arrive by Monday, so then make the required photocopies final packing of stuff then relax(yeah right).

Insane weekend this weekend. I have 2 birthday magic shows today followed by a church Christmas party to attend tonite. Church tomorrow another party then a meeting in the evening. Tuesday and Wednesday night have meetings(doing some magic on the Wednesday also, which will be fun for my grade 5-6 groups Christmas party.)

Although tight time wise it is all good stuff that I am thankful for.

Caught Katie hugging the fridge yesterday only to discover she was hugging the picture of Julia, giving it kisses, trying to give it her sippy cup to drink. She was accurately kissing the lips on the picture and positioning the sippy cup at the mouth. SOOOOOO cute.

Last minute purchase of a better snugglie, the one we had wasn't great for front holding, it was better at the side, and even then would cut into the neck muscles a bit, which is no fun.

Probably pick up some other dry food ideas like oatmeal etc for the food stash, then it will be the dreaded weigh in to insure we meet airlines luggage weight restrictions.

Well off to pack up the magic show are get ready for the day before the girls wake up.

Last puzzle piece

2010-12-02T18:31:00.001-08:00

We got good news that our TA(Travel Approval) is in Alberta and is being couriered to us today. Our passports arrived and are at the post office for pick up, so after that, it is just photocopy everything 16 times and then we are good to go.

YAHOOOOOOO!!!!

8 days til we travel, 12 days until she is ours

2010-12-01T06:04:00.001-08:00

Okay, December is officially here, and I have had a couple moments of sheer anxiety, along with some moments of sheer excitement that the day is getting closer.

We got the basement set up for my mom and cousin who will be coming up right after we get home to meet Julia and celebrate Christmas with us. bought the turkey yesterday(had to store it at my church as Cara has made up meals in advance, as well as Christmas baking and our deep freeze is full). Knowing December was going to be Baby month it pushed us to have Christmas prepped early. I like that, we can do that every year :). We did, sadly, weigh in more heavily on the gift card side of things, due to space limitations with traveling and all, but it is so exciting to have our baby coming in a season where we Celebrate the best baby ever coming, Jesus.

I am still tapping my foot worried about our TA, we need this piece of paper to travel and get Julia, and with 8 days til we fly...needless to say I will feel relieved to have that final piece in hand.

I have had to make 5 trips to the bank so far to ensure we have crisp $100 bills to exchange once in China they are REALLLLLLLY picky about stuff like that, no folds, bends or tears, so I have had to reorder money a bunch, but that is finally done. I head there today to send off some final money orders, then it will just be a visit before we go to pick up the cash that is in our safety deposit box for the trip.

Suitcases are partially packed in the basement, and I am slowly and distractedly working on getting work stuff taken care of.

Katie has moved from wanting to "hold Julia" to "go git Julia". Sooo cute.We had friends, who have adopted and know others who have, that their kids think that babies come from airplanes, LOL,so fun!

We were blessed by an anonymous person who left use some money at work for us to use for the adoption. So cool.

I find myself checking the weather in Nanchang and Beijing every morning, not even concerned over what the weather is doing at home. :)

well the troops are starting to wake up here, so off to make up some breakfast,then off to work. My sweet Julia, the day is getting oh so close, know in your heart your daddy will be there soon!

14 Degrees in Nanchang today...and what katie thinks about Julia...

2010-11-27T12:49:00.001-08:00

Well checking the weather in Nanchang today it is 14 degrees Celsius and there is light rain expected, weather is 13-19 degrees this week.

Katie seems to be preparing well for Julia. She points at every picture we have, of her calling her name. even little icons on facebook which are finger sized she will spot and smile and yell" JULIA"!!

She keeps saying "Julia, hold" and makes a cupping motion with her hands like holding a baby. She will be surprised when she sees a 20 pounder named Julia, heh. I think she will be a great big sister and then will have really bad moments of NOT being a good sister, when the jealousy kicks in I think Katie will be quite the handful, but will then turn just as quick from a protest to giving hugs and kisses.

In other news I decided to shave my head(some would say that wasn't much of a task, it was almost there anyhow LOL). But it was for purely practical measures. First off, by the time we get to China it will have grown in to a decent buzz cut, which is my normal, and second,by the end of the whole thing it will still be a good length and not need any maintenance so it is one less thing to have to deal with.

I have to figure out how to use the digital camcorder better in the next 2 weeks, I have to find our camera, it has disappeared and we kinda want to take pictures while in China. I am also working on some close up magic tricks I can share with people there, if they approach us. Love may speak any language but so does good magic :)!

I am also hoping, if I can get the camcorder figured out and find out how to upload to youtube, I have a special little poem i found and trick I want to post, we will see...well Katie just woke up from a nap...off to go hang out with my girl...

In a couple weeks....

2010-11-24T06:27:00.002-08:00

Wow, time is flying, and it is GOOD! Really only a couple weeks to get everything ready. We have another car seat to get, but otherwise I think our big shopping spree is done and it is now just getting it into suitcases.

We decided to bring some dehydrated food, just in case we can't find safe food(I have a nut allergy and Cara is allergic to fish/seafood) our facilitators will make up cards in Mandarin for us to advise restaurants to avoid that, but we want to be prepared either way.

It is funny how we have been preparing for 5 years yet there is still a feeling of" are we ready?" Ready to have her in our room to work out cosleeping stuff, ready to engage the multiple bottle thing again, and double the diapers and how on earth will we deal with naps and bedtimes with two...knowing we will of course do it, but until you actually EXPERIENCE it, you always have a question of whether the plan will work LOL.

We still need to see our TA(Travel Approval from China) although we have been assured by FOI we will have it, so I am not worried.

Just have to get a bunch of stuff done at work so think click along until the New Year and then I can relax. After the initial thrill and rush of it all, I am pretty numb and just going through the motions right now, until we get closer then I know i will be thru the roof again, and I think once work commitments are done and we know we are ready, it will be an awesome feeling.

We are in the News!

2010-11-17T12:36:00.001-08:00

The local newspaper came by and interviewed us on our story and it made the paper, very cool. Here is a link.

http://www.dailyheraldtribune.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=2850115

update!!!!!!!!

2010-11-15T05:44:00.007-08:00

Seriously checking out the game.

What a smile!!!!

Our Julia with her foster mom!!!!

height :69cm
weight :9kg
she has 4 teeth.

I woke up to this info sent from Ann with Red thread, the lady who we are using to send a care package to Julia. To have a pic of her foster mom, is such a gift. What an awesome way to start the week!!!!

The Latest

2010-11-13T06:16:00.002-08:00

30 days from now, she will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

Flights are booked, I had totally forgotten that I had researched about whether the name on the ticket should be her Chinese name or her English name, so I have to go back and make some changes that way. I am really impressed with the Travel Agency our Facilitators use, they got us tickets for like $2000 cheaper with the same airline as the research I had done.

30 days from now, she will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

Today we get pictures taken for the visas and send off that bit of paperwork.Going to rework the basement set up a bit to prepare for family coming after the trip.Turned away a magic show for this weekend, so that I have a bit of a break, I have a NUMBER of shows coming, plus extra work to get figured out, so trying to build some margin into life.

30 days from now, she will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

Hearing mixed reviews on the hotel we will be staying at, hopefully it will be okay, peoples standards are so relative, so we will see.Gotten some great feedback from folks who have done this before, additions and subtractions for packing lists, things to watch for etc. It is awesome having a larger adoption community to tap into.

30 days from now, she will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!
30 days from now, she will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!
30 days from now, she will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

On the Katie front, she is just an amazing little gal. She is learning new stuff all the time, I get great delight in making her smile, dancing with her, listening to her very serious stories, celebrating successes in early potty training journey...

On the Cara front, she is an amazing gal. She is applying stuff she learns all the time, I get great delight in making her smile while I do my funky dances with Katie, listening to her serious stories on how we are going to make things happen with 2 kids now...and celebrating successes in her potty training...techniques for our daughter. :)

Well, time for some awesome buttermilk pancakes, as I hear my girls are awake.

30 days from now, my OTHER girl will be in our arms.....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!

Boy it is hard to focus on work!!!!

2010-11-11T14:10:00.003-08:00

Chatted with our travel person today and we are in the process of booking flights and coordinating that whole thing, researching hotels etc. I am REALLY impressed with the agencies travel agency, they seem to have gotten us amazing deal on the flights so far.

Hard to believe that in a few short weeks we will be on a plane.

Got a bunch of stuff to get done at work, it will come together, but boy am I easily distracted, more than normal these days, LOL. Just gonna enjoy it!

Packing list-round 1

2010-11-10T10:15:00.002-08:00

Here is a copy of what we have planned to pack, it is our first crack at it and i am sure items will end up added... We went shopping for some of the stuff we don't have last night, buying that, then paying our house and car insurance, oil change for the car, my Scottish savings side is freaking out. Fortunately I have booked a few magic shows this week and the hopes of a few more are in negotiations, so this will help a lot. We have been saving for years, I know we have enough, I just hate the idea of paying out large amounts of money, so I like it when I know I can replace aspects of it soon after.

PACKING LIST
Paperwork
Copy of Dossier & Addendum ?
Brown Envelope docs
Passports

Adult Medical Kit
Antiobiotics

2 Antibacterial wipes/liquid -one in carry on also
5 Packs of kleenex
Sinus pills
Band-aids
Peroxide/Alcohol
Neosporin
Benadryl cream
echinecea
energC powder

Epi pen
Ventolin
Serevent
Back Tylenol

Cold/Flu medicine
Cough drops
Vitamins
Eye drops
Tums
Pepto Bismal
Tweezers
Melatonin (natural sleep med) (used first night)

Tylenol
Advil (used 2x)
Tylenol head congestion (day & night)cold and flu

Robitussin cough
Imodium
Laxative
6 pkg. FFreinds, red and original

Baby Medical Kit
Scabies prescription
Digital Thermometer
Glycerin suppositories
Pedialyte (powdered)
Baby Tylenol and/or Motrin
Baby Benadryl
Teething Tabs
Butt balm/(Diaper Rash)
Ear ache medicine
Cold/Cough medicine- herbal
Saline Drops
Bulb syringe
Nail clippers

Adult Toiletries
Shampoo/Conditioner
Deodorant
aveeno Lotion
ivory

Brushes/Comb
Q-Tips/Cotton balls
Toothbrushes/Toothpaste
Razors
Tampons
Perfume/Makeup

Disposable face cloths

Miscellaneous
Lap Top
Digital camera
Batteries/Memory Cards
Videocamera
Pens/Pencils/Pad
Money belts
Passport/ID holders
Convertor/Adaptor
Blow up neck pillows
Sunglasses
Dishwashing Detergent
Plastic bags (asst)
Small scissors
hair rubberbands, bobby pins, hair wraps, claws and other Cara hair stuff
glasses
small First aid kit

laundry detergent (travel size)
bounce sheets
small calculator
bible (travel size)
1 roll duct tape (re-rolled to save space)
1collapsable duffle-bags (used for souvenirs)
luggage strap
9 Gifts to Give in China

Food:
Cheerios
Adult Snacks (few)
Formula (1-2 days worth)
adult snacks
oatmeal packs
dried fruit
jar baby prunes
gum

Adult Clothing:

Winter coats
Winter hats
Gloves
Boots

Walking shoes
2nd pair of shoes
Jacket
Sweater or sweatshirt
3-4 outfits
Underwear
Socks
Sleepwear
Bathing Suit
Jewelry

Baby Stuff:
Diaper Backpack
Diaper changing pad
Baby Wipes
Bath Kit-Arbonne wash and oil/lotion
Comb/brush
baby blanket
toys/cups -stacking cups, teething book
bottles 3 with liners
5 nipples
Bottle thermal holder
Tupperware formula dispenser?
Snugglie
Cuddly wrap
Sippy cups
Nail clippers
Diaper disposal bags -Walmart rolls
Swim diapers
Formula Dispenser
2 spoons
2 wipe-off bibs
2 bowl (disposable ones..can re-use)
teether/rattle)
wash clothes (disposable w/soap)
Baby Clothes
8-9 outfits
Pajamas
Sweater
Bathing Suit
5 Socks
Hat winter
Boots
gloves
2 pj’s
2 onsies (used as pj’s, would pack 2 more)
1 sweater-white
Hair bows/sm. rubberbands
15 Diapers (used 10, bought rest in china)
2 burp clothes

8-Officials gifts

Carry-On (list of items to pack-already listed above)

Benedryl ~baby (for plane)
Gravol

1 hand sanitizer

2 neck pillows (blow-up)
Laptop
Folder w/ paperwork
1adult outfit each (shirt and undergarment)
small calculator

When we travel

2010-11-09T13:42:00.002-08:00

We will have her BEFORE Christmas THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOI just told us we will travel in December... after so many Christmases without her...not so this year!!!!!

I don't know how they pulled it off(well I know God made it happen...but I can't believe it is happening...
We haven't done any paper work other than send off the acceptance letter and now we will travel in a month...this next month is gonna be INSANE!!!!!!!

Expectations

2010-11-09T06:42:00.003-08:00

My dad with Katie this summer

Started the day by taking the multiple packing lists we had researched and edited and compiled it into one...it is still 4 pages long and that doesn't include our clothing...WHOA!!!!!Should have expected that...

Still waiting on word on potential travel days.

We sent the approval letter off so fast, we signed it but forgot to check the box that says" will you accept this child". Heh, fortunately the govt agency called and with any luck it is presently on its way to China.

We have been blessed by MANY friends and families excitement and support in this leg of the journey. But we have also experienced some head scratching moments,where we figured some people would be more excited then they appeared. It dawned on me this morning, it is likely because they aren't as into the "adoption world" and how it works. Cara and I have this as OUR normal. That we have been expecting for 5 years to get a picture of our daughter and then expecting to wait a number of weeks and then go get her, but for the rest of the folks in the world, you get excited when baby is in arms, so we have altered our expectations of peoples responses, and are now confident that these same folks we wondered about will be excited when they see Julia in arms.

Expecting a visit from my dad next week, that should be fun.

Have a big youth conference to perform at in Edmonton, expecting that will be an adventure...

Trying to figure out how to have Katie in her room, Julia in ours, and how to deal with rocking, diaper changes etc so that whoever is not doing that, can get sleep...

Katie has been awesome in receiving the concept of Julia. a day after the referral she grabbed the picture held it up and shouted "JULIA"! We know she will not be quite as thrilled when she has to share Mommy and Daddy, but she will be an awesome big sister!

Connections

2010-11-06T07:58:00.003-07:00

Feeling so blessed this morning. Seems Wanzai doesn't do a lot of adoptions, but have already made a couple awesome connections with folks who have adopted from there. It is so valuable to have those connections, and through that we have heard there is potential to have a longer standing relationship with the foster family. Not saying it will happen, but there is a much greater potential than we imagined. For Julia(and us) to have the potential to communicate with the family who cared for her for the first part of her life would be one less loss in this picture of adoption. We still are waiting on word about travel time, but happily mailed off the acceptance letter yesterday.Wish there were more pictures to post, we got the actual photos yesterday and they have finer detail that doesn't show up in the posted ones, more accurate skin color,more detail of the cute little lips... we are going to get some copies done and get them posted around the house with our family pictures so Katie gets used to her!

what we were doing april 10 2010

2010-11-05T09:01:00.003-07:00

Thought I would check to see what we were doing on Julia's birth day. It was a saturday. The night before I had traveled to Tangent alberta to do a big magic show. Cara had her Klingon craft group over and the calendar said "stay at home nite" as the week had been a busy one for both of us. So it was a normal kinda day on the surface, but it was a remarkable praiseworthy day as it was the day my Julia was born YAHOOO!!!! a few days before I posted this poem on the blog:

Mother Bridge of Love

Once there were two women who never knew each other.

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.

One became your guiding star; the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.

One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.

The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,

The age-old question unanswered through the years.

Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.

-Anonymous

jiangxi

2010-11-03T14:26:00.003-07:00

Jiangxi is centered on the Gan River valley, which historically provided the main north-south transport route of south China. The corridor along the Gan River is one of the few easily traveled routes through the otherwise mountainous and rugged terrain of the south-eastern mountains. This open corridor was the primary route for trade and communication between the North China Plain and the Yangtze River valley in the north and the territory of modern Guangdong province in the south. As a result Jiangxi has been strategically important throughout much of China's history

Mountains surround Jiangxi on three sides, with the Mufu Mountains, Jiuling Mountains, and Luoxiao Mountains on the west; Huaiyu Mountains and Wuyi Mountains on the east; and the Jiulian Mountains and Dayu Mountains in the south. The southern half of the province is hilly with ranges and valleys interspersed; while the northern half is flatter and lower in altitude. The highest point in Jiangxi is Mount Huanggang in the Wuyi Mountains, on the border with Fujian. It has an altitude of 2157 m.

The Gan River dominates the province, flowing through the entire length of the province from south to north. It enters Lake Poyang in the north, the largest freshwater lake of China; that lake in turn empties into the Yangtze River, which forms part of the northern border of Jiangxi. Important reservoirs include the Xiushui Tuolin Reservoir in the northwest of the province on the Xiushui River, and the Wan'an Reservoir(zh) in the upper section of the Gan.

Jiangxi's climate is subtropical. Average temperatures are about 3 to 9°C in January and 27 to 31°C in July. Annual precipitation is 1200 to 1900 mm.

Nanchang, the region's capital and the most densely populated city, is one of China's largest metropolis. Nanchang is the hub of Jiangxi civilization throughout its history, which plays a leading role in the commercial, intellectual and industrial and political fields.[4] While Ganzhou is the largest subdivision of Jiangxi.

Jiangxi is a rather poor province when compared to its neighboring provinces. It is located in extreme proximity to some of the richest provinces of China (Guangdong, Zhejiang, Fujian), which are sometimes blamed for taking away talent and capital from Jiangxi.

Jiangxi's nominal GDP for 2008 was 648 billion yuan (93.3 billion USD) and a per capita of 15,033 RMB (2,164 USD).

Although little known outside of the province, Jiangxi cuisine is rich and distinctive. Flavors are some of the strongest in China, with heavy use of chile peppers and especially pickled and fermented products.

In 2007, Jiangxi (specifically the Zhelin Reservoir, about 40 km from Nanchang) was the filming location for the fifteenth series of the American TV show Survivor.

Introducing our Daughter- Julia Hope

2010-11-03T13:54:00.006-07:00

Orphanage she was at for 18 days

She is everything we hoped for, everything we prayed for.
We hoped for 7-9 month old at referral. She is 6.5
We hoped she was not left alone, she was found within hours of being left.
We hoped for foster care, she was in foster care after 18 days.
I was hoping she would have more hair than her dad... 3 out of 4 ain't bad. LOL. Her hair will come.:) :)

She is from Jiangxi(pronounced "jong she")

To finally see a picture of the face we have prayed for, cried over, longed for, for 5 years, is surreal, and has instantly filled that place in my heart that I have held open for her and refused to give up. Next step is filling that spot in my arms!!!

We will need a bunch of stuff to fall into place to get December travel in here. We need approval letters to move quick and get to all the right folks, we need there to be room in travel groups for us, appointment spaces in China for consulate appointments, visas to be in place...BUT if(dare I say WHEN) that all happens we could be celebrating Christmas in Canada as a family of four...if not early January would be the next travel group...

We got the Call

2010-11-03T13:09:00.001-07:00

1:30 on Wednesday, we got the call. We have a bunch of appointments to make, get medical info checked, etc before we can make a formal announcement, but we are THRU THE ROOF excited!

Wednesday or Thursday

2010-11-02T06:51:00.004-07:00

These could be very good days ;). That is the time frame we hope to get the call. We know files are now being translated(Tuesday) so hopefully back to Anne Scullys office on Wednesday and then maybe a call then or the next day....

waiting for the call day 1

2010-11-01T15:55:00.003-07:00

As a record for our Julia of what we were doing:
We woke up Monday morning and we ate breakfast, it was around 9:15, I was feeling *anxious to check the Rumor Queen site to see if there was news, and indeed there was, that calls were being made. I jumped up and down and starting crying, your mom, usually the emotional one was excited but subdued(I don't think her coffee had kicked in yet LOL). I yelled, "get the question sheet!!!"(this was a sheet of questions we wanted to ask the agency when they call us with your information). I went and plugged in the battery for the camcorder so we can record the call so that we don't miss any details. Your mom is so excited now to see your picture and we can't wait to get you in our arms...

I packed up your sister and drove to work to get my computer so I could still try to do some work, while at home. I did get some done during the rest of the day, and fittingly it was prep for this upcoming sunday which we are having a special orphan sunday focus in our church. I was preparing a short 5 minute chat on adoption, as well as putting together some information for our church to help them in responding to orphan care, adoption and foster care.
ily
Picked up a special coffee for your mom on the way home. I then spent most of the rest of the time checking email, checking sites waiting to get some word on anything as to when to expect the call.

Your mom and I decided to not let anyone know until we had gotten the call with the information in it, that is hard, I want to shout it from the mountain tops and run down the streets like a madman shouting out the wonderful news that I will soon get to be Daddy to a special little girl we have been waiting for, for 5 years.

I write this now at 5 pm, and I have had a wonderful,but anxious knot in my stomach all day. Where in China are you at? How old are you? Are you in an orphanage right now, or foster care, what food do you like to eat, will you take to "our food" easily, do you sleep well, do you know in your heart there are 2 people who already love you, are you dreaming baby dreams of family? Do you know it is close to reality, you are not to be left alone, you do not have to lose hope, you can know you have been prayed for, treasured in our hearts, and will be loved fully soon!!!!

C'mon phone call...can't wait to see your face....

calls are coming

2010-11-01T08:39:00.003-07:00

We are hoping we get a call in the next day or so(hopefully today). LID may 19. Here we go!

Preparing

2010-10-27T12:03:00.002-07:00

WE ordered a mini crib so we can have Julia in our room, it arrived yesterday. Mattress and bedding coming from a different person,it is on its way, and I just went and bought 2 necklace passport/money holders for us in prep for the trip. Rumors have it they are matching files this week, so hopefully within 2 we will have it in hand...time will tell!!!

Waiting

2010-10-21T14:14:00.002-07:00

not even the smell of a rumor this week, so we wait for next week, my hope is something will start to come to light then with referrals early in November before we have to take off...so we wait...I am amazingly calm...not sure why LOL!!!

Mid October, here we are!

2010-10-17T15:12:00.002-07:00

well, what is new in our world....

Well we are excited for friends who are currently in Ethiopia having just met their son who they are adopting. They are just waiting for a visa to come so they can bring him home,they have waited over 15 weeks for this thing, they decided to go and be with him until it came(been there a couple weeks so far). So cool!(them going), NOT cool, the paper delay!

We have other friends who are planning to adopt from Kenya, and just waiting for a few more pieces of the puzzle to fall in place before they uproot and head there.

We await our match and expect travel either in mid December or Early January, depending on when the matches come.

Myself, Cara and some friends are working on a whole Sunday devoted to Orphan care. www.orphansunday.org, is the inspiration for it, we are so excited. Going have the elementary kids walk thru a day as an orphan, we will share and challenge our church in areas of adoption, orphan care and foster care. We will have ways for them to interact and help, then have an evening time of watching a videocast about the "cry of the orphan" with Steven Curtis Chapman and Francis Chan. That is Nov 7. We will hopefully have our referral before then :)!

Lately I have been struck by the loss and pain the birthparents must feel in this process, thinking that my girls birth mothers, for example, will spend their life wondering," I wonder what kind of child they are like, how they look, what they like to do, are they thriving? Do they hate me for having to choose to have an adoption plan?..."

It saddens me that my girls will have parts of their past they will never know, because we don't know it, praying that absence of past won't cripple them emotionally or spiritually for their future, feeling so helpless that as their dad, I can't fix it, solve it, protect them from that...I CAN be there for them through it, love them with all I have, and then ask God to give me more, so that my girls will see God is more than enough for them and can help them not be trapped by these losses.

It is such a weird dynamic, adoption is such a gift in so many ways, yet it comes from loss...but the redeeming thing I cling to in this is God, the ultimate Father, His heart beats for the orphan,He cares so much for them, so I try to rest in that because I KNOW God makes beauty come from ashes and redeems past losses and hurt!

We are currently tossing around options for sleeping arrangements for Julia. We want to try cosleeping with her(meaning she sleeps in the room with us, in her bed/crib attached to ours) so she knows we are there for her. After months of being in a crib all alone, with no one to hear her cries, to comfort her,we need to teach her the world, no HER world, is not ever going to be like that again, that her needs will be cared for, that she is loved, and will be nurtured, loved, and cared for and that she has parents who will do that for her. I bought a used crib that we may try modifying to make it smaller(it would be an adventure as my carpenter skills are not great, but who knows it may surprise all of us), so it will fit in our room, or we found out there are mini cribs we may purchase that we can then attach to our bed, to make it secure and work with that. Be making that decision this week.

Last week we sat down and worked through a packing list from the research I have done over the years, a bit overwhelming to try to pack with so many unknowns, such as what size will Julia be(who knows!), what will we be able to purchase there(depends on where we end up going!)...fun!!!

Early November we are going on a Banff retreat for pastors and spouses(with Katie), as we don't want to leave her as she will be left with family during the China trip. Mid November I do some Magic for a Youth Conference in Edmonton, still working on some new magic for that. Birthday shows have been good to me, and I am loving having this creative outlet!

Enjoyed having my mom up for Thanksgiving and hoping my dad can make a trip up sometime in November also.

Love being in a church where we have found some people with a similar heart for adoption and orphans, and that as a bonus they are great friends for Cara and I.

Hopefully you folks reading the blog will see some more posts this month as we know WE ARE NEXT(love saying that after so many years of..."it is getting closer..."!!!)

Things to pray for

2010-10-03T20:19:00.002-07:00

Pray for:

God to provide for Julia's mental, physical and emotional needs, also by providing people to touch her lovingly, say sweet words to her, notice her...We would be thru the roof if she was in foster care...

Pray that she has the ability to attach, so that even though there will be loss with her leaving an attachment in China, transferring is easier and healthier than having to create it.

Pray she will be able to grieve her losses, as that is HARD but part of healthy attachment.

Pray for our family who have to adjust during the attachment process(meaning as much as we would like to let them and they would like to, take care of Julia-that they will feel grace from God and that we will all have wisdom to know how to best use the love and desire of our family in ways that will help Julia and also allow our family to enjoy her and celebrate her coming into our family).

Pray for the person matching us this month that God will move their arms and eyes to match us to the one HE has for us.

Wisdom for us as we try to figure out packing(what to take, what not to take, working out luggage issues).

We would love for travel before 2011 is done, so that would mean getting a match end of October or EARLY November.

Wisdom in how to deal with allergy issues in China(food) I can't eat nuts, Cara can't eat seafood/fish...

That we will be easily accessible when the match happens.

That the doctor we give the medical info we get in the match will be given wisdom from God to analyze it truly.

That the paperwork that comes with a match will be processed well and completely, so there are no delays.

That once we are matched that TA(Travel Arrangements- visas etc, gets processed QUICKLY(it can take a month to 7ish weeks) the sooner we get approval the sooner we can book flights.

That travel will come at a time when travel costs are not too high.

So there are a few thing to pray about :)!

re-researching

2010-10-03T20:14:00.002-07:00

Spent some time over the weekend looking over old emails from yahoogroups etc that I had saved from 2005 on, compiled some lists(packing, etc), still have to make some decisions on what we want as our final list for packing.

It was great to be doing this, this time, knowing the time is drawing near, and then once we get our referral, researching orphanage and province info.

I am suspecting we will get our referral when we are out of town, it would just figure...

Looked at blogs of folks just matched, it was great to feel that knot in the stomach again, of anticipation, and excitement,little bit of apprehension...

Book Review-Out live Your Life. Max Lucado

2010-09-29T09:15:00.001-07:00

Great author, great title, decent read, outstanding discussion guide! How is that for a one sentence review! It is an easy read, but it isn’t one that jumps out and grabs you. Max uses some good examples, draws nicely from the scriptures that talk about the Acts church, and does try to make this a book that draws in the everyday things of life and accents some biblical principles to try to leave a legacy, or make your life count for God’s kingdom.

It is deceptive...now let me explain, because this is really the strength of the whole book. The principles he talks about are not new, they aren’t earth shattering, they aren’t dramatic, BUT if they are lived out they ARE radical and world changing. What is deceptive is that when you read it you can’t discount what he says, but it is very easy to deceive yourself and discount ACTING on any of it. Because this is rubber meets the road, practical faith shown through works and attitudes stuff, it isn’t the latest fad, the newest hyped “thing”, yet if we did ANY of the principles in it our lives WOULD make a difference.

This is where the discussion guide is AMAZING! Good questions to discuss as we all love to spent time TALKING about our faith, but half of the guide has very pointed and achievable ACTIONS for you to take, and you can really tell this is the heart of the truth in this book. Get the book, if you don’t have time to read it, just jump to the end, read and respond to the discussion guide, and you will be WELL on your way to making a difference. Don’t let the easy reading style of the book fool you. Take some action steps and Max’s heart for this book will come to life!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

WE ARE NEXT!!!!!!!!

2010-09-27T09:21:00.001-07:00

Excuse the picture I just wanted something that said "we are next" this was the first one I could find, and don't want to waste time searching for something else :)

It seems up to May 18 2006 is referred this month, so this means we will be matched in the next batch!!!!! So that means probably late October we will finally see a picture of Julia and then wait 6 weeks to find out travel dates, then travel 2 weeks after that.

This pushes us to LATE December or early January. We were hoping for preChristmas but with this months batch coming in like 10 days later that bumps that out, likely. BUT really who cares, it means we are one step away from a picture and only a few months away from holding her in my arms!!!!

In my arms

2010-09-23T05:59:00.002-07:00

Part of my Monday morning is looking after Katie so Cara can have some time to do her bible study, or whatever she wants, and part of what Katie loves to do on Mondays is dance with her daddy. The last few weeks this has been a favorite song of our
Mark Wills, In My Arms Lyrics

Three a.m. on the clock
Lullaby, music box
Oh, baby please don't cry
Let's let mama sleep tonight
You've only been home one day
You don't even know your name
Tiny hand on my cheek
You;re a miracle to me
In the stillness of the night
Cradled in this rocking chair
I hold all my hopes and dreams,
Every single answered prayer

In my arms
Wish I could hold you forever
In my arms
I will give you shelter
Still I know I can't always be there
To protect you from this great big old world
But I swear this much is true
There'll always be a place for you...in my arms

As I watch you take each breath
Oh, it scares me to death
To know you're counting on me
To be the daddy that you need
Wounded knees, broken hearts
Learning how to drive a car
When it's time for your first date
Will I know just what to say
And when you find that one true love
I'll put on my best smile
And I'll try to hide my tears
As I walk you down the aisle

In my arms
Wish I could hold you forever
In my arms
I will give you shelter
Still I know I can't always be there
To protect you from this great big old world
But I swear this much is true
There'll always be a place for you...in my arms

Oh, this promise I will keep
As you finally fall asleep...in my arms

Fall is here

2010-09-21T08:09:00.002-07:00

Picture of Katie, last winter.

Fall is here, cold is in the air, foggy this morning, had to scrape the window of frost, of course couldn't find the scraper had to use a paint spatula so off to Canadian Tire to buy a new brush/scraper combo.

Still have some Fall prep for the yard, plants to cut off, trim the hedge, but busy with work and magic stuff, which is good because the CCAA is not moving too much from what we can tell, so hope we hear something...sigh!!!!

18th and still waiting

2010-09-18T21:17:00.002-07:00

well, folks figured by the 15th we would hear something, so it will be next week I hope so we can get September out of the way so we can be next!!!!

RAD-Reactive Attachement Disorder article

2010-09-11T07:13:00.001-07:00

Why Chinese Adopted Childen Are at Risk for RAD
Part I: Secure Attachment and Reactive Attachment Disorder

It is important for adoptive families to recognize how a child's early experiences can impact their future emotional development. Children adopted from China have experienced the loss of their birthmothers, physical abandonment, and multiple caretakers. Most have suffered deprivation and/or neglect in varying degrees. Some have endured physical and/or sexual abuse. These conditions interfere with the capacity to form secure attachments.

Secure attachment forms when a child's physical and emotional needs are consistently met during the first 2 years of life. Because she trusts that her parent will be there, she will internalize an image of her world as safe, stable, and dependable. She will develop independence while at the same time maintaining a connection with her parents. She will learn to engage in mutually enjoyable interactions where the interaction itself is the end goal.

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is any disruption in attachment resulting in a child's failure to form a SECURE bond/attachment with a parental figure. Secure Attachment and Reactive Attachment Disorder are best understood as a continuum. The most securely attached people are confident, high functioning individuals with a strong sense of self worth, highly developed empathy and the ability to engage in healthy, mutually enhancing relationships, both within and beyond their immediate families. The most unattached people are violent psychopaths, people without empathy or conscience, unable to relate to others except as objects to meet their needs.

Reactive Attachment Disorder includes the whole spectrum of children with symptoms ranging from mild to moderate to severe. Therefore, a child can be "attached" and still have RAD. Having 'attachment issues' or RAD does not mean your child doesn't love you. It does not mean that the adoptive parent is a poor or unloving parent. Nor does it mean that the child is of low intelligence or developmentally delayed. What it means is that the child's brain has been programmed to protect her from pain, thus preventing her from giving and receiving love. The child will need specific treatment to learn how to do this, just as she might need specific therapy to overcome any illness.

Scientific research has indicated that the bond between mother and child begins to form even while in the womb, so that at birth a child can recognize it's mother's voice and smell. Even a child who was abandoned at birth and subsequently received good care could experience the loss of her birthmother as traumatic.

Most Chinese adoptees are subjected to additional experiences that heighten their risk for RAD. If a mother knows that she may not be able to keep her baby, the child can experience rejection while still in the womb. The mother may risk her life giving birth in an unhealthy/unsafe place. Children might experience birth trauma due to inadequate medical care. There are women who want to keep their children but are under pressure from family or authorities to give them up. These children could be kept hidden, and not given proper care and love for an extended period prior to abandonment.

Even the best orphanages are unable to simulate the care and attention a child would receive in a family. Normally, babies go through the bonding cycle thousands of times during the first three years of life. When the baby is hungry, wet, cold or wants to be held, she becomes aroused. She feels angry or upset and cries. When that need is met, the baby feels gratification, and develops trust. Each time that cycle is disrupted, the baby feels helpless and angry and does not learn to trust.

Babies in orphanages often spend entire days lying in a crib, cold and wet. They are cared for on a schedule determined by the availability of orphanage staff. If bottles are propped, they will not associate being fed with human contact and warmth. Cries of distress can go unheeded for hours. After awhile, children fail to recognize their own body signals. Their feelings of need become so painful they shut them off. Even if their physical needs are met, they do not learn the joy that comes simply from engaging with another human being or the comfort that comes from having their upsets soothed by loving hands. They lack physical contact in a loving embrace. Infants who are not touched can develop failure to thrive.

Abandoned children who are not strong and tough die. Those that live, learn survival skills that are appropriate for an institution, but which may inhibit attachment within a family. Even foster care has its risks. Some foster parents are abusive and neglectful and are motivated more by the income than love. Some foster parents have several babies to care for. Many are poor and illiterate. Even children in good placements experience the original abandonment of their birthparents and then subsequent loss of their foster parents.

In Chinese adoption there is no gradual transition, no time to prepare for new situations or to mourn the loss of the old. Older children who might understand the process are not always prepared or honestly informed of what will happen to them. When their 'orphanage friends' are adopted, they see them disappear forever (causing further loss for the child who remains at the orphanage.) When adopted, the child is suddenly whisked away from everything familiar. To be placed in the hands of strangers can be terrifying. Americans who speak an unknown language, look, smell, eat and behave differently, also have different expectations. This experience mirrors their original abandonment where one moment they are in their mother's arms and the next moment mother is gone, and their life is dependent on strangers. Once they board the airplane, everything familiar disappears. No matter how hard they cry, the mother, or caregivers, or foster parents do not return. Thus, the act of adoption, while seemingly happy for the adoptive parents, can be perceived by the adoptee as a re-play of her initial abandonment.

It is not uncommon for Chinese adopted children to suffer from developmental delays and/or regulatory disorders. Patterns of behavior and symptoms can fall into many overlapping categories -- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), Attention Deficit, Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD & ADHD), Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Autism, Grief, speech & language impairment, learning disabilities.

All of these regulatory and language disorders can exist on their own without RAD, or they can coexist with RAD. For instance, SID can be created by the same conditions (deprivation and neglect) that cause RAD, but is still a separate diagnosis. However, there is always some component of grief, loss and trauma in every child who has RAD. Trauma and RAD can also create symptoms that mimic many of these disorders (such as ADHD or PDD), as well other psychiatric disorders not mentioned above. It is important for parents to recognize that this overlap in symptoms makes getting a proper diagnosis and appropriate treatment confusing.

Any of these disorders can also interfere with the formation of secure attachment, even after the child is living in a safe environment. A grieving child may feel she is being disloyal to previous parents or caretakers if she allows herself to love her new parents. She may be too frightened of loss to risk loving again. Or too angry to let any other feelings in. Similarly, a traumatized child may find it impossible to trust that her new parents won't hurt or leave her. She may withdraw from touch or any kind of interaction initiated by them. Physiologically and emotionally, she may still be living in a state of inner terror. A child with SID, who is highly sensitive to touch, may reject and arch away from her parent's embrace. Language disorders interfere with a child's ability to communicate her needs and feelings. All these conditions may cause a child to engage in behaviors which new parents find distancing or frightening.

Part II: The RAD Continuum

We will identify three levels of attachment disorder. These descriptions merely illustrate the emotional logic behind different presentations of RAD. The pattern of symptoms is unique for each child. In addition, symptoms can overlap, and change as children develop and incorporate their current life experiences into past patterns of response.

Level One: The child is able to "attach" or "bond" with the adoptive parent in the sense that she recognizes the parent as the person she "belongs" to, but the quality of "trust" is lacking. She may "love" the parent, but does not allow or rely on the parent to meet her needs or to keep her safe. She doesn't understand the concept of permanence, and that she will forever remain with her adoptive mother.

This child may be overly clingy and/or suffer from severe separation anxiety. She panics when not physically (or visually) connected to the parent. She may be overly fearful of and/or have difficulty socializing with adults or children outside her family. She may exhibit controlling behavior in an attempt to maintain contact with the parent at all costs and to ensure that her needs will be met. She may be hyper-vigilant, ever on the alert for impending loss or hurt. Or she may be the "overly good" child, fearful lest she make a mistake and be abandoned again. She may also be a child who appears on the surface to have made a good adjustment and attachment to her family. She conforms to family rules and expectations, but is merely acting the part that she perceives has been given her in order to maintain her place in the family. She may be suppressing her true self and feelings because she does not believe they would be accepted.

Level Two: The child "wants" attachment/connection, but, because she is afraid that the parent might leave her, hurt her and/or not meet her needs, she "chooses" to control the terms of the attachment. In order to protect herself from the pain, grief and loss she believes is inherent with attachment, she rejects or withdraws from the relationship, especially when closeness is initiated by the parents. These distancing behaviors may be alternated with intense clingyness.

What differentiates this child from level one is the presence and/or intensity of her distancing behaviors. The child erects a wall between herself and her parents. She may be defiant and oppositional, expressing her rage directly at her parents. She may be charming and friendly to strangers. She may prefer dad to mom. She may refuse to be held or she may express affection on her terms only. She may have difficulty making eye contact, especially during times of intimacy or distress. She may be withdrawn, even to the point of exhibiting autistic spectrum behaviors. She may lack imitative behavior, pretend not to understand, and communicate only on her own terms. She may have difficulty acknowledging "good-bye" and/or "hello". However, despite the distancing behaviors, she can -- often in very subtle ways -- reveal that the connection to the parent does matter to her. For example, she may get busy and pretend not to care when her parent leaves for the day, but the very act of changing her behavior is an indication that the parent's departure does matter. What differentiates her from the child in level three, is that she is still aware, on at least some level, that she wants and needs connection.

Parents should recognize that these behaviors are a cry for help. For example, the child does love the mother, and wants to be loved back, but because of the defensive mechanisms developed to protect herself from pain, she is unable to seek connection in appropriate ways. She does not have the problem-solving skills that would allow her to effectively communicate her conflicted feelings. Instead, her insecurities manifest themselves in abnormal behaviors that are misinterpreted. (i.e. Mommy, I was so scared when I woke up in the train station and my birth mother was gone, that now I'm afraid of losing you too. That's why I tore up my favorite book, or peed on the carpet, or some other indirect, aggressive act, when you went to the store without me.) (Mother thought she was just being naughty.) Parents need to be aware of the warning signs in order to reach out for their hurting children. It is not the adoptive parent's fault that their children behave the way they do.

Level Three: "Classic" RAD / "institutional autism" This child has given up and shut down. Connection/attachment is no longer a motivating life force. People are seen as interchangeable objects, existing only to serve the child. Her wall of defenses prevent her from reciprocal interaction with the human community.

These are the children who receive negative media attention. Their behavior is extreme. They may be physically destructive and violent in their families: destroying property, attacking parents and hurting younger siblings or animals. Because they never experienced empathy, they failed to develop a conscience. They are often bright and superficially charming, but lack inner depth. Other people don't matter.

This third degree of RAD is not common in Chinese adoptees because most of them are too young at placement for it to have developed this far. However, if left untreated, it is possible for children initially in level 1 or 2 to move into level 3 as they grow up.

Also in level 3 are the children who fail to 'catch up' once living in their adoptive homes. They can have severe language delays, SID issues and self-stimulating , repetitive and/or ritualistic behaviors. They may be misdiagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Autism. Because these other syndromes produce behaviors that are difficult to differentiate from RAD, many parents spend a great deal of time seeking proper diagnosis and treatment, not knowing what lies at the core of their child's problems.

Part III: Healing and Treatment

RAD is inextricably intertwined with trauma, separation and loss. Anger, fear, grief and shame are the dominant emotions that drive RAD children. One emotion is usually more "tolerable" for the child to experience, and this emotion serves as a barrier to feeling the others; i.e. high levels of anger or fear will prevent the child from feeling grief and shame. In order to process grief and shame she first has to get through the anger/fear. The far end of anger would be an "anti-social" child. The far end of fear would be a child who has withdrawn into autistic-like behaviors. The symptoms we see in our children reflect the way they have internalized their individual experiences.

Shame is the most difficult emotion for a child to uncover and process. It lies at the core of her inability to attach. The most shameful thing an infant can experience is not being loved. An infant is supposed to experience herself as the center of the universe. It isn't until a child is much older that she can understand the political/cultural motives behind abandonment. The only way she can interpret it is that she was thrown away because she was bad/ deficient/ unworthy etc. This sense of shame is then heightened by the neglect and deprivation that usually follows in the orphanage. Not only was she unwanted in her birth family, but for a long time no one else wanted or cared for her either.

Thus, the child may develop a core self that is built around shame. She believes everything is her fault, even when it isn't, and that she is an intrinsically bad person who deserves nothing. Every "mistake" she makes is experienced as an assault to her being, a confirmation of her worthlessness and badness. To protect herself from this shame she erects a barrier of rage or terror. It is this shame that lies at the root of her inability to trust, to let in love -- and to change her behavior.

For treatment to be effective, it must ultimately release shameful feelings and help the child separate herself from her actions. So, when she makes a mistake, instead of internalizing that she is not a good girl, she will feel that she is a good girl who just made a mistake, and it's not so devastating.

Most attachment experts agree that traditional therapies such as play therapy do not work. This is because RAD interferes with the child's ability to form an emotional connection with the therapist, which is a prerequisite for success. To complicate the picture, early childhood trauma and memories are stored in the limbic portion of the brain - an area not connected to speech and language centers. These memories are stored as emotions, sensations (sounds, images, smells) and body memories (muscular tensions that can trigger emotional reactions). Traumatized children lack the ability to access these memories through verbal expression.

For RAD children, healing must begin by re-creating the mother/child regulatory bond. The child needs to regress through early stages of infancy to recreate the experience of healthy nurturing which she missed as a baby. She must learn to depend on her parents to care for her, comfort her and meet her needs. Only then will she learn to trust others. Helping your child attach words to her feelings and memories -- as well as to her present safety -- will also help her to organize and make sense out of her experience.

As part of the healing process, the child needs to express her terror, rage, grief and shame, and have these feelings accepted and validated by her adoptive mother. What happened to her was truly terrible. These buried feelings are a part of her experience and therefore a part of who she is -- just as much as her Chinese cultural heritage is a part of who she is. If these feelings are deemed unacceptable, denied, unrecognized, or ignored, then she will feel unacceptable and invisible in her deepest core self. Her feelings will go underground and will re-emerge later in life, being all the more powerful for having been repressed for so long.

However, to simply re-live or express these feelings by themselves is merely re-traumatizing. In order to heal, emotional and body memories must be re-experienced at high intensities in a theraputic setting. By re-living past trauma in the loving physical embrace of her new parents the child will learn that a different outcome is possible. She will feel safe enough to explore the world in a loving, reciprocal way. Only then will she be able to move beyond her past to become a whole human being.
© 2000, all rights reserved. Written by Laura Beck, MSW, Nancy D'Antonio, Lynne Lyon. May not be reproduced in any form without written permission of the authors.

Attachment activities

2010-09-11T07:03:00.001-07:00

Activites to Promote Attachment
These are suggestions from therapists and parents of RAD kids

1. Wear infant in a chest carrier, all day if possible, facing IN.
2. Mom should initially be the only person who is meeting the baby's needs. Baby needs to build a bond with one person first, then she can branch out to others.
3. Bathe together, to promote skin to skin contact. Baby & Mom can wear the same lotion so baby associates scent with mom.
4. If you use cologne (or if you don't, use your shampoo), place a tiny bit on her arm so she has your smell with her at all times.
5. Laminate loving family pictures of you together and put around her crib and other places.
6. Outline her body, as well as your own on huge sheets of newsprint. Color them (great activity). Tape the "portraits" to her ceiling.
7. When feeding her something she particularly likes, tell her you are a good mommy/daddy. Telling her with words that you are a good mommy is important -- otherwise, how would she know?!
8. Play with dolls to act out how parents always return after child goes to day care, babysitter, bed, etc.
9. Draw cartoon panels of the day's routine, so that your child can see that Mom and Child always come back to the same home together. Anxiety and stress can interfere with auditory processing, so it is important to use something visual that can be held in the hand.
10. Give your child a laminated picture of the family to carry with her all the time.
11. Limit choices. At first parents should make all decisions, including foods, toys and clothes. This helps the child feel safe. Then as the child becomes accustomed to the new family, limited choices can be given, e.g. a choice between 2 foods.
12. Dress alike. Wear the same colors, type of outfit, accessories, hairstyle, etc. and point out how you look alike.
13. Claim your child. Tell her she belongs to you. Give her a big hug and say "MINE!" Make up songs about your family, e.g.:
I am your Mom
You're my sweet girl
Just like a pearl
so rare and precious
You are mine
and I am yours
'Cause together we're a family.

Encourage Eye Contact

"Look in my eyes. Don't look away" - Mr. Soil from Bug's Life

1. Bottle feed no matter what the age. Encourage eye contact by gently touching her cheek. DO NOT let her hold the bottle. Nourishment has to come from parent(s); be sure to hold her when feeding.
2. If she turns away (avoiding eye contact) try placing a large mirror accross from you. That way, when she turns away, she will see herself in your embrace.
3. Continue to hold her in your gaze. It may take a long time for her to glance at you. When she finally does, be ready with a warm, loving, approving smile. This sounds little, but is really big and pays big rewards in our experience.
4. Encourage eye contact by gently tapping the bridge of her nose and yours as a hand-signal to look at you.
5. Stroke her cheek.
6. Put her hands on your cheeks. Children's eyes often go where their hands are.
7. Play Peek-a boo. This develops the concept of object permanence (that even if you can't see something, it's still there). For kids who are still anxious about Mommy leaving, repeat "Where's the Baby? Here's the Baby! Where's Mommy? Here's Mommy! Mommy goes to work, Mommy comes home!" to emphasize the message that Mommy always comes back.
8. Have baby pull a sticker off your nose - and put it back.
9. Wear a stick-on dot or earring as a "beauty mark."
10. Stare into each other's eyes. If your child can keep eye contact for 20 seconds, feed her a chocolate kiss or candy heart. Increase the amount of time.
11. MUSICAL NOSE - Sing a song and let your child pinch your nose so you sound very silly. You stop singing if she breaks eye contact.
12. MUSICAL SWING - put child in baby swing. Face her as you push. Encourage eye contact by singing a song, and stopping if she looks away.
13. Fill your cheeks with air. Have child "pop" them.
14. Take turns feeding each other. This works great with raisins, cheerios, and popcorn.
15. Eskimo kisses - rub noses and stare into each others eyes.
16. Play in front of a mirror. Make faces, paint Mommy's face, trace each other's faces on the mirror with washable marker, finger paint with shaving cream. Let your child be your puppet and make her dance. Make dolls dance. Any kind of game that gets your child to relax and meet your eyes in the mirror, will likely get her relaxed enough to meet your eyes directly.
17. Instead of using an actual mirror, take turns being each other's mirror. Sit face to face, and have your child imitate every facial movement you make, and vice versa. Then try it with your whole body, mirroring each other's movements.
18. For an older child, try lipreading with each other. While you're not really getting eye contact, you're at least looking at each other's faces.

Games which Encourage Attachment

1. Play hide and seek (also develops object permanence).
2. Play catch! Roll a ball back and forth (teaches reciprocity). Throwing or batting a balloon back and forth may be easier than throwing a ball for little ones.
3. Hold baby in your arms and dance with her. A very synchronous activity.
4. Swim together.
5. Paint each others faces with paint, power, or just pretend.
6. Put lotion on each other.
7. A Memory game but with a more personal touch: Have your child look you over very carefully. Then leave the room and return after you've changed something about yourself. See if she can figure out what is different. It could be something really obvious for younger kids, like taking off a sweater, but for older kids you could get more challenging, like buttoning one more button on the sweater.
8. Guess the Goodies: Put several small treats in a bag or cup. child closes their eyes. You pop a treat in their mouth and they try to guess what it is.
9. Tunnels: Parents kneel on floor forming a tunnel. Child crawls through the tunnel as fast as they can before the tunnel collapses. first few times let child get completely through, then have it gently collapse onto child.
10. Pillow ride: have child sit on big floor pillow and you drag them around the room. You only move when given eye contact.
11. M&M hockey: Use bendy straws and blow candy across table to other persons goal. When you score a goal, the opponent feeds you the candy.
12. Marshmallow fight: Each person uses a pillow as a shield. Sit on the floor and throw marshmallows at each other. Gets wild and crazy and is a lot of fun. Can do the same with crumpled paper.
13. Crawling into arms: Child starts in corner of room. Cannot start until adult says go. Start by saying "lo", "mo" etc. instead of "go" to help child learn to attend better. Then child crawls across room as fast as they can to you. You are standing on other side of room and make a large circle with arms. Child needs to stand up in the circle. gradually reduce the size of the circle and gets a big reward of kisses hugs and/or a treat.
14. Jumping across pillows to arms: set up pillow islands in a pattern across floor. Child starts at one end, you are at the other. Child starts when you direct them to as noted above. Child jumps across the islands and into your arms.
Finding goodies. Hide candies on yourself and child needs to find them.
15. Donut Dare: You hold a donut on your finger through the hole and the child sees how many bites they can take before it falls off.
16. Lifesavers on Licorice String: Put each end of shoestring licorice in yours and childs mouth (helps to tie a knot so that it stays in mouth better). Have a gummy lifesaver on the string. By standing up and maneuvering without hands, feed the lifesavers to each other.

Circle of Love

My daughter is 4, and for a long time didn't quite "get" who she could be affectionate with, and who deserved a handshake or less. We took a long sheet of paper (therapist suggestion) and drew a big heart on one end and drew pictures of our immediate family within it. This was "our family circle of love", and we discussed how we can always act lovingly toward anyone in our immediate family circle (*HINT* draw your daughter's birthmother in there too! I didn't think of it and it came back at me later!). Then, in smaller descending hearts we drew extended family, then friends, then doctors, mail carriers, casual babysitters etc. We talked about appropriate behavior for her toward each group, practiced scenarios, and I also gave her permission to NOT hug or kiss anyone outside her immediate family.

What I had been thinking was totally an attachment issue really turned out to be, for us, a missed-rung on the post-institutional developmental ladder...the mural idea gave us lots to discuss, and very much helped her behaviors.
Sensory Activities
Mouth - to improve speech

1. Lots of bubble blowing.
2. Drinking with a straw, especially thick milkshakes.
3. Whistle blowing (I know, it can become irritating to mom real fast).
4. Party blowers -- the ones that un-curl and then curl back up again.
5. Provide different kinds of textures to move around -- both with his tongue and with his hands: baby peas, rice, couscous, puddings, jello. Paint a plate with chocolate pudding and then eating it off the plate and hands is fun -- although you might want to try a colored plate and vanilla pudding if your child is under two.
6. Wake up his taste buds -- sour candies like Sweet Tarts, chili, pepper, mustard, paprika, pickles -- anything with vinegar. Learning the sour taste is especially important.
7. Tapping very lightly above the upper lip above the gum line--but NOT on the midline.
8. Making "mouth music."
9. Tear tissue in small pieces or strips and blow it across the table top.

Tactile - Loubee, Dobee Time

One mom uses Creamy Style Vaseline, and makes lotion time an attachment activity time with these games:

1. Pass the lotion. Get lots of lotion on your hand and let your daughter try to get all of it off, and then pass it back and forth.
2. Slippy hands. After lotioning pretend to hold on tight to each others' hands and then "whoops" slip off backwards with lots of exageration and laughter.
3. Hand Stacking. Place your hand on the bottom, then one of your daughters, then yours, then your daughters. Slip your bottom hand out and put it on top. Just keep on going to "build the stack".
4. Lotion painting. Paint pictures on eack other and then rub them in and start over.

More on attachment

2010-09-11T06:59:00.002-07:00

Attachment is one of the fundamental biological processes necessary in most animals for survival of the species like reproduction, care-giving, care-taking, feeding, and environmental awareness. Attachment has been described as operating unnoticed much like the physiological regulators that control our blood pressure and body temperature. The attachment process begins to develop in the first few months of a child's life. In developing the parent-child bond, the attachment process for the infant is the reciprocal behavior to the adult's (primarily but not always the mother figure) care-giving process. Simply stated, it is a process that operates to enhance the safety and security of the infant and to aid the infant in getting his or her needs met in humans: touch, eye contact, smiles, motion, and food.

Currently many people still believe that babies and children can recover from just about anything and that not much affects or influences them. This fallacy has helped to create many harmful beliefs and behaviors toward babies and children. How well the infant is able to get its needs met in the first year of life has much to do with the child's development not only physically but also psychologically. The process of meeting the child's needs influences whether the child develops feeling angry or happy; hopeless, helpless or hopeful; dissatisfied or satisfied; and distrustful or trustful about his or her care-givers. The child begins to understand whether his or her world is a safe place or not. It has been estimated that by the end of the first year of life the child has learned 50% and by the end of the second year 75% of everything he or she will learn in their life. Among the many things learned are how to have relationships with people, how he or she fits into the world, and methods of controlling external and internal influences over his or her life.

Children begin to develop attachment behaviors that are described as either secure or insecure. Insecure attachment behavior is further described as ambivalent, avoidant, or disoriented-disorganized depending on a behavior pattern. The pattern of attachment behavior can be influenced greatly by what happens in the child's environment. Children have the ability to attach on any level, even a traumatic one. Traumatic events can damage a secure base or therapeutic intervention can aid in reducing the damage of an insecure base. While the behaviors must be thought of as operating on a continuum, it is clear that many insecurely attached children have behaviors that can be very destructive to themselves and others. These behavior are not always apparent at first without the proper knowledge. You may want to adopt a special needs child but you need to have enough appropriate information to make your decision and to prepare for the future.

An issue that is not apparent, for example, is called the "fantasy bond." "This can occurs when children who have no conscious memory of their birth parents continue to have a longing to find their birth parents with the hope, dream, or fantasy that if their birth mother or father knew where they were, they would come for them. Out of this sense of longing, they develop a belief that they must save their love for their real' momma, the mom who gave birth to them. This tendency of children to withhold their love. . .can increase their chances of continuing to disrupt (fail) in their adoptive or foster placements, exhtmlerating feelings of abandonment and reaffirming their belief that only their birth parents could really love them. Even children who have memories of severe abuse and neglect, when in the care of their birth parents will often, later, deny this experience and fantasize a feeling of close connectedness with their birth parents. . . .they have deeply internalized their experiences of abuse, neglect, and abandonment as being their fault because there was something wrong with them. They fantasize that, if they can go back and act differently, they can then elicit the love from their birth parents that they feel is there for them" (Attachment Center at Evergreen, 1995, p. 56).

To improve your chances for a successful adoption, you need to be as fully informed and prepared as possible. Do not assume people in the adoption business "must know what they are doing." Read all you can on the subject, ask every question you have, and use every resource available to you. This is a major decision not only for you but also the child you are going to bring home. Below are suggested questions to ask yourself and others, checklists, and suggested resources. This is not everything but it is a place to start.

Questions to ask yourself

* Do we thoroughly understand the process of attachment or parent-child bonding and the consequences of children experiencing insecure attachment or broken attachments_

* Do we have the necessary commitment to make an investment in parenthood that raising a child requires_

* Do we know what kind of child we would consider bringing into our home_

* Do we have sufficient knowledge to ask the right questions about a child_

* Do we know how to establish resources before we adopt that we may need after the adoption_

* Do we have the patience to participate in pre- and post-adoption placement counseling to be prepared for the problems that will arise_

* Do we have the financial resources including adoption subsidies to raise this child_

* Does the adoption subsidy include appropriate psychotherapy and residential treatment if these become necessary_

Questions to ask agencies and caseworkers

* Is the agency willing to provide full disclosure of all records prior to adoption finalization_

* What were the circumstances that placed this child in foster care and for adoption_

* What is the history of this child_

* What kind of abuse (physical, emotional, and/or sexual) has this child endured_

* How long has this child been in foster care and what kinds_

* How many times has this child been moved since birth_

* What are the existing or potential problems for this child_

* What post-adoption intervention resources are available should problems arise_

To get more ideas about what adoptive parents need to know before adopting, read Keck and Kupecky's book Adopting The Hurt Child, especially chapter six "Dreams and Realities."

Signs of Attachment Difficulties (Birth-one)

* Failure to respond with recognition to face of primary caretaker in first six months.

* Infrequent vocalizations,babbling, crying.

* Delayed milestones,creeping, crawling, sitting.

* Resistant to physical contact or appears stressed by it,rigid and unyielding.

* Excessive fussiness and irritability.

* Passive or withdrawn.

* Poor muscle tone,flaccid

Signs of Attachment Difficulties (Ages 1-5)

* Excessively clingy and whiny.

* Persistent, frequent tantrums, sometimes escalating apparently beyond the child's control.

* High threshold of discomfort,seemingly oblivious to temperature discomfort; picks sores and scabs until bloody without manifesting pain.

* Unable to occupy self in a positive way without involving others.

* Resistant to being held.

* Demands affection in a controlling way on the child's terms.

* Intolerant of separation from primary caretakers except on the child's terms.

* Indiscriminate display of affection, sometimes to strangers.

* Problems of speech development q,Problems of motor coordination,considered accident prone.

* Hyperactivity evident

* Feeding problems

* By five, may be manipulative, devious, destructive, hurtful to pets, frequently lying.

Symptoms of Attachment Disorder (Ages 5-14)

* Superficially engaging and "charming": uses "cuteness" to get others to do what he or she wants.

* Lack of eye contact on parental terms: difficulty making eye contact with others while talking with them.

* Indiscriminate affection with strangers: goes up to strangers and becomes overly affectionate with them or asks to go home with them.

* Not affectionate on parents' terms (not cuddly): refuses affection and pushes parents away unless child is in control of how and when it is received.

* Destructive to self, others, and material things; accident prone: seems to enjoy hurting others and deliberately breaks or ruins things.

* Cruelty to animals: May included incessant teasing, physical assault, torture, or ritualistic killing.

* Stealing: steals from their home, parents, and siblings and in ways that almost guarantees getting caught.

* Lying about the obvious: lies for no apparent reason when it would have been just as easy to tell the truth.

* No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive): extremely defiant and angry; needs to be in control of events in his or her life; tends to boss others; responds with prolonged arguing when asked to do something.

* Learning lags: often underachieves in school.

* Lack of cause and effect thinking: surprised when others are upset by his or her actions.

* Lack of conscience: unconcerned about hurting others or destroying things.

* Hoarding or gorging food: hoards or sneaks food or has other unusual eating habits (eats paper, glue, paints, flour, garbage, etc.).

* Poor peer relationships: difficulty making friends or keeping friends more than a week; bossy in his or her play with others.

* Preoccupation with fire or gore: fascinated with or preoccupied by fire, blood, or morbid activities.

* Persistent questions and chatter: asks repeated nonsensical questions or chatters non-stop.

* Inappropriately demanding and clingy: tries to get attention by demanding things instead of asking for them; clingy or affectionate only when wanting something.

* Abnormal speech patterns: along with other more serious symptoms, may develop unusual speech patterns.

Factors that contribute to a successful adoption
McKelvey and Stevens, Adoption Crisis (1993, p. xviii)

* Youth (older children have a harder time adjusting to an adoptive home)

* A minimum number of moves and foster placements (frequent moves traumatize children)

* A permanency plan developed immediately after the child enter the system

* Preplacement services to assess the family strengths and skill, and to ease the transition

* A correct temperament match between parents and child

* Full disclosure of the child's history and a realistic appraisal of the disruption risk

* Postplacement intervention before problems become crises

* Ongoing training and support for parents, lasting through adolescence in "special-needs" adoptions.

http://www.attachmentcenter.org/know.htm

Attachment disorder

2010-09-11T06:54:00.002-07:00

As we get nearer I am refreshing my memory on attachment procedures etc, to be equipted to help Julia develop and not get attachment disorder, info on what it is is below:

"Attachment Disorder is developed when children . . . do not form a trusting bond in infancy and early childhood. A lack of trust generates feelings of aloneness, being different, pervasive anger, and an inordinate need for control. A trusting bond is essential in continued personality and conscience development, and serves as the foundation for future intimate relationships."
Reprinted from Attachment, Trauma, and Healing, by Terry M. Levy and Michael Orlans

"Most professionals who work with and study the process of bonding and attachment agree that a child's first eighteen to thirty-six months are critical. It is during this period that the infant is exposed in a healthy situation to love, nurturing, and life-sustaining care. The child learns that if she has a need, someone will gratify that need, and the gratification leads to the development of her trust in others."

The Bonding Cycle

Prior to gratification, frustration is heightened. It is during this frustration that the foundation for delaying gratification is laid. This is critical learning with lifelong implications.
Bonding Cycle Diagram

During the delay after her first cry, the infant may become increasingly angry or rageful; her state of arousal is high. it is at this point that she is receptive to her parents' gratifying efforts, which include touching, smiling, rocking, feeding, changing, making eye contact, and vocal soothing. Presenting a valuable opportunity for attaching between parent and child, these acts allow the child to begin to trust that her parents can and will care for her and protect her. The cycle is repeated thousands of time in the first two years of an infant's life, forming the foundation of every other developmental task of human life. This is not to suggest that later events will have no bearing on the course of a person's life. Instead, it is to say that without the successful completion of this cycle at some point, it is doubtful that an individual's growth will proceed normally without specific therapeutic intervention.

Failure to complete and repeat the bonding cycle leads to serious problems in the formation of the child's personality which, in most cases, will have lifelong implications. When the bonding cycle is interrupted problems arise in these areas:

* Social/behavioral development
* Cognitive development
* Emotional development
* Cause-and-effect thinking
* Conscience development
* Reciprocal relationships
* Parenting
* Accepting responsibility

The child who has experienced abuse, neglect . . . has a limited range of emotional responses. She frequently attempts to disconnect from her most uncomfortable feelings specifically, sadness and fearfulnessbecause they make her feel vulnerable and weak. In trying to escape these feeling, she often heightens her arousal with anger.

Anger for her feels strong. It is familiar. Better still, it acts as an emotional anesthesia. Anger is a friend that can be called upon whenever the child is feeling weak or powerless, or sad.

We have focused primarily on early neglect and abuse, because that is the most damaging. A child who is abused after the age of three will be traumatized, and may have problems as a result, but she will not be hurt in the same way as a younger child. Once developmental progress has been made, it cannot be undone. It is the abuse and neglect that occur during the early stages of personality formation that cause the deepest damage. Imagine the stability of a skyscraper built without a foundation and you begin to see the fragility of a child denied the right to a healthy start.
Reprinted with permission from Adopting the Hurt Child. Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids, Gregory C. Keck, PhD, and Regina M. Kupecky, LSW, Pinon Press

Matching for this month has begun

2010-09-02T06:50:00.003-07:00

Folks have posted that CCAA is now working at matching children to their forever families for the September referrals. We are praying, that if this is THE month, for the Lord to guide them to be HIS hands that match us or ANY of these families with the child He has planned for them.

Couple weeks we should know the result for this month....

September is here

2010-09-01T13:43:00.003-07:00

Picture of me in the local paper from a gig I recently did.

Here we go...will it be this month or next? still a couple weeks until we know!

All of a sudden after 4.5 years of waiting we suddenly have lots of projects to get down...ripping out closet walls to expand stuff, laying carpet, paneling walls,building a cosleeper bed, and this at my work peak season with Sunday school stuff trying to get going and fall programming...CRAZY ride time!!!

My birthday is coming up, so as a gift to myself I took money from shows to buy a bigger illusion so I have a big closer for stage shows, so we are quickly building up the stuff I need to perform ANYwhere for any group. I am also working on some more youth oriented magic-razor blade swallowing, some crazy mentalism type things...Now the real trick is finding the time to get these things stage ready!

Cara is scaling back her scrapbooking stuff a bit more,thus the ability to renovate the basement a bit, Katie is a delight until she "goes sideways" and we see a bit of a drama queen with an attitude emerge,this stage can pass quickly LOL!

busy times but details are not all that exciting, we are in our anticipating and waiting stage, it is permeating our entire home, we know a new normal is about to be unleashed, so we crouch and wait to embrace it...

I am Hating Steven Curtis Chapman

2010-08-29T15:56:00.004-07:00

Okay not at all, but I "hate" that he keeps getting me to tear up(okay the truth-BAWL!) the man brings me to tears more than I care to admit. I love his heart for the orphan, I love his music, and the faith he proclaims in it, and his songs about kids always touch me, well it seems Veggie Tales has a new video coming out that deals with an orphanage and here is a link to the video of a song he is contributing:

gonna be a long couple weeks until we start to hear some rumors of what Sept. holds for referrals...

Looking to the Fall

2010-08-13T08:29:00.003-07:00

My girls!

Well summer is flying by. Taking a group of youth down to the Mustard Seed this next week, then back and buckle down for a few weeks to try to get things ready for the Fall, there are classrooms to organize, items to fix, supplies to restock, cleaning to happen. Schedules to plan and publish, teachers to recruit, materials to customize, teachings to plan, sermons to present, meetings to plan and attend, and then bring on the kids(and parents). Excited about Fall ministry, and excited that it could be interrupted with China planning!

Magic stuff is going well I have some new stuff I need to perfect, but think they will become fast favorites of mine and my audiences, they just "feel right". Enjoying the magicians on Americas Got Talent, good stuff from good guys(I know of all of them and have even had some conversations with one of them). It is good for magic in general when good magicians are seen.

Got a couple shows this month and a(personal) birthday coming which means I will be hunting for some new magic(I am looking for bigger show closer type tricks now as I have lots of other stuff for my shows).Fun stuff.

We are also welcoming on a new staff member at the end of the month, which is exciting, so it seems busy and exciting will be buzz words for a while around these parts :) !

at least 5 days done...

2010-08-12T13:57:00.002-07:00

Fairly strong rumor that May 15 is included in this months batch. May 16 is a BIG day, with lots of families across the world logged in that day, so not sure how that will play out, that said I feel confident October, should be our referral month.

Hard to believe that in 4 months or so I will be holding my precious Julia in my arms...WOW!!!!!

Sept or Oct

2010-08-11T08:11:00.000-07:00

Our Agency told us to expect a referral in Sept. or Oct.

This isn't anything new, it is just nice to hear it...

The Boy Who Changed the World By Andy Andrew Book review

2010-08-11T08:05:00.002-07:00

Okay this is the kids version of his adult book.

MUCH better!

The aspect that God is the agent that makes the difference so kids can make a difference is much clearer in this book. I am VERY glad to see this.

I wonder why it wasn't clearer in the adult book?

This book has nice art, clear story, in less detail that the butterfly effect, and that is actually much better, it makes the stories more to the point.

I am much more comfortable supporting this book, and I am always looking for stories that can inspire kids. I firmly believe kids can make a difference in their world, and if this book,and the idea that a little butterflies wing flap helps generate the big winds that come, I like the object lesson and visual that presents and can see using that down the road.

Give this a 3 out of 5!