Well, it has been a bit of time since I posted last. got the camera fixed, or so they say, so I need to get those pics posted I mentioned.
Referrals came in for folks LID for the first bit of September. Congrats to them, they(CCAA) don't seem to be able to pump a month worth out, this means things continue to be slow. BAH!
My hope is we will get a referral mid to late summer, but at this point who knows. Bah HUMBUG!
Onto brighter news. We decorated the house and tree for the season, Cara is delighted, she loves Christmas and all the stuff that goes with it. She keeps saying with glee," It is snowing!" I growl. The white stuff can stop anytime, every day or second day, more shovelling. I haven't touched the deck, just got 3 words to say, "TOO MUCH SNOW!"
We are both over the nasty cold/flu bug that is circulating,and things should be almost at a slow down place at work, so hopefully I can get ahead on some stuff.Just have to keep busy, try to make the time fly by faster. Holiday is gonna be tough, wishing we had her, but surely by the NEXT one we will.
Well Amazing Race is on, can't wait for the snails pace of our race to get to the stage we are racing to China!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
For our friends who have already received their gift
My Mum sent along another of these GREAT Marvin cartoons. We aren't at that place yet, but for those of you who are, and may not have seen it, here ya go!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Song of the Waiting Mother
I just recieved an email with this poem in it, from another family in our adoption travel group.
I had immediate tears and the welling of emotions welling up from lie deep within me.
This poem feels so true and speaks of what I am experiencing each day.
Thank you Brenda for sharing it with us.
I found this picture on the web and although our daughters will be Chinese...
it is a beautiful depiction of the embrace of adoption. Passed between mother, and caregiver, to adoptive parents. And all the while being held close by her heavenly Father.
I'm pregnant, but my tummy isn't growing,
I had immediate tears and the welling of emotions welling up from lie deep within me.
This poem feels so true and speaks of what I am experiencing each day.
Thank you Brenda for sharing it with us.
I found this picture on the web and although our daughters will be Chinese...it is a beautiful depiction of the embrace of adoption. Passed between mother, and caregiver, to adoptive parents. And all the while being held close by her heavenly Father.
I'm pregnant, but my tummy isn't growing,
And no one ever calls me "little mom".
The public simply isn't overflowing
With questions that I'd handle with aplomb.
There are no special clothes to mark my waiting,
Nobody stops and smiles as I pass by,
The absence of a due-date is frustrating
And looking at the nursery makes me cry.
When I'm overdue no one will worry.
The phone won't ring and ring as friends check in.
I can't induce my labor in a hurry,
My new life as a parent to begin.
Adoption is a worrisome endeavour,
And waiting all alone is not much fun,
To be "with child" a year seems like forever.
Dear God, we're ready! Please send us our child!
- Christine Futia, 1987
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
5 days to 6
Well 5 days to 6 month LID anniversary, time is flying, but hopefully the CCAA can pump out some major paper connections and get to our referral so we can look to late summer/early fall for our special gift.
Well, we got the entertainment unit assembled last night,man it makes a big difference in the room, so much tidier and smart looking. Once our digital camera returns from the shop I will post a bunch of pics.
During our short holiday, we had a wonderful and refreshing time with family and friends, as well as being pampered a tthe Fairmont Bannf Springs Hotel for 3 days as part of the Pastor/Spouse retreat hosted by the denomination I work under. Great speaker, wonderful food, bit rainy, but very refreshing. Had a lot of fun planning a surprise 60th party for my father-in-law. It went great. We were blessed with great roads to travel on, something that aided me in feeling refreshed, nothing more draining than whiteknuckling it on a snow filled hiway for hours...
We also had a chance to meet a family in Devon who just recently got back from China with their little girl, Lindy(for those who get the FOI newsletter her pic is in the most recent issue). As much as I love reading the blogs etc of folks, it was great to meet someone face to face and share.
Some hilights(beyond drooling at this precious little girl) was the affirmation that transition and attachment is tough. She is doing okay after 3 plus months here, but mom noted she is still displaying some stress and conditions that indicate total attachment isn't there yet. She noted it is hard with family, because they want to share in this gift, and you want to share her also, but when you see how it can set her back... well it is a stark reality that faces those of us who are adopting internationally...these precious treasures have lost their birth mom, and some lose their nanny/foster parent also, that is a lot of grief and loss for a little one to work through, survival instincts kick in and whose to blame them for saying with their actions and cries"don't get close, how will I know YOU won't leave me!". Heart wrenching, BUT with patience and using the resources for attachment and bonding that are available, and given time... the health and restored spirits of these little ones is possible. Each child will be on a different attachemnt timetable. It would be nice to say, "in X weeks folks can come and hold her". but it just isn't a reality.
It is a challenge...how do you work baby showers(for example), our church is chomping at the bit to throw one for us. We know the trip will be jet lag and new parent exhaustion all bundled into one huge mound of UGH, toss in that you can't pass baby around due to attachment processing,it makes life interesting. You can't wait too long for the shower, because you count on some of the gifts to stock the needs you have.
The thing that hit me is I have to change some of the emotional pictures of what I see early stages of our family life being. I always wanted to be the kind of dad, that egardless of the kids age, they could come to be for the cuddles and nurture, as well as with their mom. It sucks that until baby attachs to the primary caregiver(mom), I have to take her to mom to ensure that bonding happens, after that it can transfer. I know it isn't as cold cut and dogmatic as that, but as a general principle of attachment, that is a sacrifice I need to make for a time. So, I will be content with occasional feedings, bathing her, and being Mr. Playmate because the cost is too great on her, if we don't do everything we can do, to ensure she works through the attachement process.
Oh, on a brighter note, since my nurturing side will be put on a bit of a hold for a time, it does free me up to function 100% in Protector role, to intercept the church grannie who simply "must" hold every child...or to swoop in and snatch my precious girl out of the arms of the well meaning lady who tries to comfort her when she is crying...to fire my force fieldblast to block the way of the nice person who just wants to give her a treat(knowing food is a big part of securing attachment, so only we give her food)...I will also stand in the gap and tiredlessly answer, with my power of diplomacy(a gift my wife says I have) ,all those with so called parenting advice who are without the knowledge of our circumstance, and don't realize we have to do somethings differently than others do...and if diplomacy don't work a good ol' get- in- their- face- and- tell- it- like- it- is sermon is in reserve and ready to be unleashed. :)
Watch out Super Dad is on a mission! heh, I wonder if my glasses will conceal my identity from the public...it works for Clark Kent....
Well, we got the entertainment unit assembled last night,man it makes a big difference in the room, so much tidier and smart looking. Once our digital camera returns from the shop I will post a bunch of pics.
During our short holiday, we had a wonderful and refreshing time with family and friends, as well as being pampered a tthe Fairmont Bannf Springs Hotel for 3 days as part of the Pastor/Spouse retreat hosted by the denomination I work under. Great speaker, wonderful food, bit rainy, but very refreshing. Had a lot of fun planning a surprise 60th party for my father-in-law. It went great. We were blessed with great roads to travel on, something that aided me in feeling refreshed, nothing more draining than whiteknuckling it on a snow filled hiway for hours...
We also had a chance to meet a family in Devon who just recently got back from China with their little girl, Lindy(for those who get the FOI newsletter her pic is in the most recent issue). As much as I love reading the blogs etc of folks, it was great to meet someone face to face and share.
Some hilights(beyond drooling at this precious little girl) was the affirmation that transition and attachment is tough. She is doing okay after 3 plus months here, but mom noted she is still displaying some stress and conditions that indicate total attachment isn't there yet. She noted it is hard with family, because they want to share in this gift, and you want to share her also, but when you see how it can set her back... well it is a stark reality that faces those of us who are adopting internationally...these precious treasures have lost their birth mom, and some lose their nanny/foster parent also, that is a lot of grief and loss for a little one to work through, survival instincts kick in and whose to blame them for saying with their actions and cries"don't get close, how will I know YOU won't leave me!". Heart wrenching, BUT with patience and using the resources for attachment and bonding that are available, and given time... the health and restored spirits of these little ones is possible. Each child will be on a different attachemnt timetable. It would be nice to say, "in X weeks folks can come and hold her". but it just isn't a reality.
It is a challenge...how do you work baby showers(for example), our church is chomping at the bit to throw one for us. We know the trip will be jet lag and new parent exhaustion all bundled into one huge mound of UGH, toss in that you can't pass baby around due to attachment processing,it makes life interesting. You can't wait too long for the shower, because you count on some of the gifts to stock the needs you have.
The thing that hit me is I have to change some of the emotional pictures of what I see early stages of our family life being. I always wanted to be the kind of dad, that egardless of the kids age, they could come to be for the cuddles and nurture, as well as with their mom. It sucks that until baby attachs to the primary caregiver(mom), I have to take her to mom to ensure that bonding happens, after that it can transfer. I know it isn't as cold cut and dogmatic as that, but as a general principle of attachment, that is a sacrifice I need to make for a time. So, I will be content with occasional feedings, bathing her, and being Mr. Playmate because the cost is too great on her, if we don't do everything we can do, to ensure she works through the attachement process.
Oh, on a brighter note, since my nurturing side will be put on a bit of a hold for a time, it does free me up to function 100% in Protector role, to intercept the church grannie who simply "must" hold every child...or to swoop in and snatch my precious girl out of the arms of the well meaning lady who tries to comfort her when she is crying...to fire my force fieldblast to block the way of the nice person who just wants to give her a treat(knowing food is a big part of securing attachment, so only we give her food)...I will also stand in the gap and tiredlessly answer, with my power of diplomacy(a gift my wife says I have) ,all those with so called parenting advice who are without the knowledge of our circumstance, and don't realize we have to do somethings differently than others do...and if diplomacy don't work a good ol' get- in- their- face- and- tell- it- like- it- is sermon is in reserve and ready to be unleashed. :)
Watch out Super Dad is on a mission! heh, I wonder if my glasses will conceal my identity from the public...it works for Clark Kent....
Sunday, November 05, 2006
IKEA
IKEA- My wife's third love, behind Michaels, and I am repeatedly told, myself. I question my ranking some days compared to these other 2 parties ;) .
Pleased to announce we got the baby change table/converts to a dresser with book case as well as a toddler safe toy box(the lid stays open whever you leave it and there is space between the lid and the walls, so little fingers can't get squished). We also got MOST of the entertainment unit that will tuck away all the loose books, dvds, cords, cables and misc. stuff that inhabits our living room. I say most, because IKEA didn't have the legs for the unit. But we went ahead with the purchase anyway, and will get the legs at another time.
So that mission is complete(it may take me until the baby actually arrives to figure out how to put the things together,lol, but it is nice to get that done(although I am still choking on the money output for this, IKEA is not expensive stuff, but I just hate shelling out money, a few dollars here or there, fine, but house and car insurance is paid this month, Xmas gift buying is in full swing, etc. Bah, humbug, me pennypincher side rears it's ugly head.
But all is not stress, in typical Randy fashion, I try to keep a light mood, so I share with Cara, "it is all good, we may have only cheese and crackers to eat for meals from now til the new year, but at Christmas we will spurge and I will proudly announce to our little family of 2 xmas supper table...'Shall I carve the pickle now to go with our crackers and cheese this Christmas Day meal?'". It doesn't read as funy as it struck us, but it was a fun laugh...she is still smiling...at least until Dec. 25 when the pickle is actually produced :).
Pleased to announce we got the baby change table/converts to a dresser with book case as well as a toddler safe toy box(the lid stays open whever you leave it and there is space between the lid and the walls, so little fingers can't get squished). We also got MOST of the entertainment unit that will tuck away all the loose books, dvds, cords, cables and misc. stuff that inhabits our living room. I say most, because IKEA didn't have the legs for the unit. But we went ahead with the purchase anyway, and will get the legs at another time.
So that mission is complete(it may take me until the baby actually arrives to figure out how to put the things together,lol, but it is nice to get that done(although I am still choking on the money output for this, IKEA is not expensive stuff, but I just hate shelling out money, a few dollars here or there, fine, but house and car insurance is paid this month, Xmas gift buying is in full swing, etc. Bah, humbug, me pennypincher side rears it's ugly head.
But all is not stress, in typical Randy fashion, I try to keep a light mood, so I share with Cara, "it is all good, we may have only cheese and crackers to eat for meals from now til the new year, but at Christmas we will spurge and I will proudly announce to our little family of 2 xmas supper table...'Shall I carve the pickle now to go with our crackers and cheese this Christmas Day meal?'". It doesn't read as funy as it struck us, but it was a fun laugh...she is still smiling...at least until Dec. 25 when the pickle is actually produced :).
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
cuteness and kleenex alert
You bring me hope adoption video
Don't know anything about the agency that put it together, but a great " baby fix" of cute asian babies.
Don't know anything about the agency that put it together, but a great " baby fix" of cute asian babies.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Furniture
Well, in a short time(hey, us china adopter rarely get to say "short time" so I get more enjoyment out of that epxression than it should...but I digress) ...
We will begin a serious hunt for baby bed, dresser and toy box options, along with entertainment center. We have a crib, but in the effort to make it so we actually have room to get into our room, we need a smaller option because we are going to start with baby in the room with us, until enough bonding and attaching has happened that we can start to transition her to her own room.
The reason I said “short time”(man I like that expression) is that we have the chance in a short time, to go shopping in a place that has some more options that our current location, and we want to take advantage of that.
Winter is practically here, spent the last 2 plus days with a shovel bonded to my hands, so thoughts are turning inwards and so baby room again becomes the place of thoughts, talks and subtle longing stares. It will be nice to get some of these material things in place as we wait.
In a short time, we will have gone through another month of being LID, another month gone, another month closer. How close? Who knows, it is impossible to nail any pattern down at this point, anyone who tries will find that in a short time they will be insane.
In unrelated to adoption news…in a short time I will receive some new props I have ordered to being practicing some new tricks to perform at camp or other venues. I had the chance to perform at the
In a (relatively) short time, I look forward to getting my little girl involved in my act(if she is thusly inclined, and I haven’t driven her nuts with asking her to watch me try out a new trick on her by then J).
Well, in this short time of writing I have recalled some more things I need to add to my to do list for this week, and although it is Monday, time flies and I don’t want to be short time by the end, and maybe get the list done this week…or maybe not, heh, time will tell!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
number 5
well, today is 5 month LID. Woke up today with 2 trains of thought. First, I have been concerned that we would need to travel to China during camp season, making the logistics of minstry/work a strain(Who do I get to direct my camps???). I have had reassurances from my church, "we will just deal with it when it happens" which is reassuring, but I just have a feeling we will just end up getting our referral over the summer months,which would eliminate that issue. Who knows at this point, just Randy's rambling thoughts at this point. It would be much easier to coordinate people to fill in for me during the Fall stuff rather than camp, but hopefully come Februaryish we will be able to predict better what the time line will be.
Second train of thought was one of the few insecure moments I have had since starting the process."what if she doesn't bond to me?" Cara has expressed concern about that, and since she will be the primary care giver, I would imagine that is a common concern. I am not concerned about it. She is amazing with kids, has a wonderful nurturing heart. I know I am good with kids too, so the reality is, we will be fine. But trying not to be typically male, I thought it an interesting exercise to "engage and interact with my feelings" on these matters.....
*images of her not wanting to cuddle with me, ignoring me, feeling hurt, embarassed...
Okay, enough of that dumb exercise, feelings are overated. Facts is facts, there will be challenges, but she will love and attach to me, and I will be wrapped around her little finger...there. THAT feels better...Heh :)
Enough of this interacting with feelings stuff, how you women do that all the time...no wonder you get so tired...lol. :)
What to do to celebrate 5 month LID? Hmmmm. Well yesterday we decided we will purchase the dresser, baby gate and confirm Snuggly options in the next month. I DON'T want to be one of those families that waits til the referral comes and then all of a sudden start to prep for baby. That is insanity, imo.
We have been discussing a baby name, that came, believe it or not, from a type of scrap booking paper Cara has... entertained it for a couple of weeks, it was a name we didn't have on either of "our lists". But we pretty much picked it apart yesterday, so we are back to not having any names we BOTH are sold on. Heh. Fun! Cara wants us to be tight lipped about the names thing, so I don't want to share out of turn, but one day I will fill in all the blanks for family and friends who are following us on this journey.Well, time for breakfast. I'm outta here . :)
Second train of thought was one of the few insecure moments I have had since starting the process."what if she doesn't bond to me?" Cara has expressed concern about that, and since she will be the primary care giver, I would imagine that is a common concern. I am not concerned about it. She is amazing with kids, has a wonderful nurturing heart. I know I am good with kids too, so the reality is, we will be fine. But trying not to be typically male, I thought it an interesting exercise to "engage and interact with my feelings" on these matters.....
*images of her not wanting to cuddle with me, ignoring me, feeling hurt, embarassed...
Okay, enough of that dumb exercise, feelings are overated. Facts is facts, there will be challenges, but she will love and attach to me, and I will be wrapped around her little finger...there. THAT feels better...Heh :)
Enough of this interacting with feelings stuff, how you women do that all the time...no wonder you get so tired...lol. :)
What to do to celebrate 5 month LID? Hmmmm. Well yesterday we decided we will purchase the dresser, baby gate and confirm Snuggly options in the next month. I DON'T want to be one of those families that waits til the referral comes and then all of a sudden start to prep for baby. That is insanity, imo.
We have been discussing a baby name, that came, believe it or not, from a type of scrap booking paper Cara has... entertained it for a couple of weeks, it was a name we didn't have on either of "our lists". But we pretty much picked it apart yesterday, so we are back to not having any names we BOTH are sold on. Heh. Fun! Cara wants us to be tight lipped about the names thing, so I don't want to share out of turn, but one day I will fill in all the blanks for family and friends who are following us on this journey.Well, time for breakfast. I'm outta here . :)
Friday, October 06, 2006
A Strange Duck am I
I quite enjoy being the round peg in a square holed world, it has served me quite nicely in all the things I have done. Parenthood... Fatherhood is not going to be much different.
First off, from the time I was 15 years old I always wanted to be a stay home dad. That isn't going to happen sadly, but I am blessed that my position as a Pastor will allow me some freedom other dads don't get(although I will face other challenges to parenting other dads outside of pastoral ministry don't have to face).
Second, most men seem to shy away from the more nurturing type(or typically female) parts of raising kids. Me, I can't wait to be involved in the diaper changing(well,in context, it has to be done and certainly isn't to be just a mom's thing to do) , bathing, feeding, dressing, doing her hair, having tea parties with her, cuddles, helping her to learn how to read etc.
Third, I RARELY ever see a guy looking at baby things(unless their wife drags them along). Me, I had some free time last night and where did I end up. WALMART. Now most men head to the sports area, or the tools. I headed right to the baby area, looking at the clothes, the accessiores(saw a baby bag with dragonflies and ladybugs on it. $25, seems pricey, not sure of the quality, but theme wise it fits with her upcoming room design). Got some odd looks from ladies when they saw I was not there by force, heh...like I said Round peg, square hole...
Blogging, I think I have only found one other blog where a guy posts on stuff and it was more of a research type blog than personal ramblings etc...would love to read other guys thoughts on adopting processes etc.
Well, tonight is veg nite, picking up Wendy's, coming home to my wife,sweeping her off her feet(onto the couch...sorry no romance happening here, killed my back yesterday lugging wood from a farm to the house for the fireplace downstairs)..popping in Xmen 3 and hoping a relaxing night will help me feel more energy for another full weekend ahead.
First off, from the time I was 15 years old I always wanted to be a stay home dad. That isn't going to happen sadly, but I am blessed that my position as a Pastor will allow me some freedom other dads don't get(although I will face other challenges to parenting other dads outside of pastoral ministry don't have to face).
Second, most men seem to shy away from the more nurturing type(or typically female) parts of raising kids. Me, I can't wait to be involved in the diaper changing(well,in context, it has to be done and certainly isn't to be just a mom's thing to do) , bathing, feeding, dressing, doing her hair, having tea parties with her, cuddles, helping her to learn how to read etc.
Third, I RARELY ever see a guy looking at baby things(unless their wife drags them along). Me, I had some free time last night and where did I end up. WALMART. Now most men head to the sports area, or the tools. I headed right to the baby area, looking at the clothes, the accessiores(saw a baby bag with dragonflies and ladybugs on it. $25, seems pricey, not sure of the quality, but theme wise it fits with her upcoming room design). Got some odd looks from ladies when they saw I was not there by force, heh...like I said Round peg, square hole...
Blogging, I think I have only found one other blog where a guy posts on stuff and it was more of a research type blog than personal ramblings etc...would love to read other guys thoughts on adopting processes etc.
Well, tonight is veg nite, picking up Wendy's, coming home to my wife,sweeping her off her feet(onto the couch...sorry no romance happening here, killed my back yesterday lugging wood from a farm to the house for the fireplace downstairs)..popping in Xmen 3 and hoping a relaxing night will help me feel more energy for another full weekend ahead.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Gee, it is October
Man, time flies. Life is full and good...BUT I had a moment where I went...how on earth would a child fit in this world I live in right now...then it struck me(yeah the following answer ain't that profound, and all that, and I did know it before but it just kinda twacked me upside the head today) ...
My world is gonna be turned upside down! That is a huge thing, one of lifes biggest transitions. I am ultra excited about adding the world of Daddy to my plate..but have no idea what all the other plates are gonna look like...other than they are gonna change radically...the way I do ministry, which is my life, my heart, as well as my job, will be turned upside down. When I got married there was some change a few bumps in the transistion, but it was basically subtle changes when it was all said and done...I just don't think it will be that subtle this time around..a screaming baby howling at the top of her lungs at 3 a.m. isn't subtle and will most definately effect how I view the world through bleary, sleep deprived eyes.
My hope is that the little one will be quite fond and comfy running around the church at odd times in the week, while I work, and will be a wonderful reason for me to take that few minute break away from the computer screen that every eye doctor recommends...hey a medical reason to hang with my little girl... sweet! Maybe this upside down world of work will be even better...no, not maybe, it will be... all of life will be better when we are a family,not necessarily easier...but MOST definately better!
My world is gonna be turned upside down! That is a huge thing, one of lifes biggest transitions. I am ultra excited about adding the world of Daddy to my plate..but have no idea what all the other plates are gonna look like...other than they are gonna change radically...the way I do ministry, which is my life, my heart, as well as my job, will be turned upside down. When I got married there was some change a few bumps in the transistion, but it was basically subtle changes when it was all said and done...I just don't think it will be that subtle this time around..a screaming baby howling at the top of her lungs at 3 a.m. isn't subtle and will most definately effect how I view the world through bleary, sleep deprived eyes.
My hope is that the little one will be quite fond and comfy running around the church at odd times in the week, while I work, and will be a wonderful reason for me to take that few minute break away from the computer screen that every eye doctor recommends...hey a medical reason to hang with my little girl... sweet! Maybe this upside down world of work will be even better...no, not maybe, it will be... all of life will be better when we are a family,not necessarily easier...but MOST definately better!
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