More books

Got a few more books to add to her library. Shaoey and Dot is a book about adoption from Steven Curtis Chapman. It has the ladybug aspect which is such a part of Chinese Adoptions, but tells the story very simply, and with a Christian worldview. The other one is Shaoey dealing with fear of the dark, again with a clear teaching on God in the middle of all of this and how He is there to help.


Mulan is a Disney movie we enjoy and portrays Chinese culture as well as a positive strong female lead. Superstore had a moviebook version for sale for 94 cents!!! Can't beat that. I also got Jungle book. Again an adoption angle. I certainly am not gonna make ALL her books have this angle, but I figure now is the time to get these essential ones, and as time goes on, family, friends and Cara and I will add tons of other books and variety of book topics to her library. (I really hope she takes after her parents and likes to read!!!)

Babies Crying

As summer continues to fly by, we had the joy of having Cara's sister and husband and 8 month old come for a couple day visit.

It was nice to just spend the time together, and seeing who could stare at the baby the longest :).

One of the thoughts that struck me, as the little one is in the midst of dealing with some kinda allergic reaction or something that has given her a nasty rash and itch over most of her body, is how alarming a babies cry sounds when they are distressed. It feels soooo bad to not be able to do anything to help.

It made me recall a time when I had just become a Christian and was involved in the preschool area of our church. It was a wonderful minstry to come on Sunday's with the simple mission of "just love on the kids". As much as I love my present ministry position, I think back to the days when that was what ministry was about, just that. But I rabbit track... onto the point... one of the little boys in that class back then I took a real liking to, and I recall vividly an incident when we went to the gym to play and he got clunked in the face with a ball and his nose started bleeding and he started crying. *I* started crying feeling so bad that I "let" something happen that he got hurt in, but it was a cool incident, in that from it, I learned one of many parental type lessons I have learned since then.

First, Asm the adult, I can't always stop the child from getting hurt, but I CAN always be there to provide love and comfort, and what a cool way to let someone know they are loved than in a time when they most need it.

Second, As the adult, I can take control of the situation and although you can't stop every hurt, but you can be in control and deal with the consequences, panicking isn't gonna help! I hope I remember this during the "up for 4 nites, baby screaming, tried everything we can and have no idea what to do next" moments to just stay calm and just do what you can.


Third, the protective parent role is sooo essential in todays' harsh world. With the abuse, kidnappings, bullying, violent exposures , dangerous environments(drugs, gangs etc) that kids are exposed to at such a young age, parents NEED to be more proactive in guarding children. I don't think I will have too much trouble with this role, the danger for me will be doing it too much.

*Story comes to mind of the time just a few years ago in Calgary at my Vietnamese church I served in, where, in the middle of me running a youth group service I stopped preaching part way through and ended up putting a 22 year old youth(who came in as a "visitor") in a headlock and "escorting" him out of the church because he kept hitting on one of my "kids" who was only 15 at the time. I need to mention the youth scoffed at my polite attempts to get him to back off that I tried earlier, so this wasn't a first response reaction. But my beloved Viet. flock knew they were safe and how much they were(and still are)loved.

Heh, anyhow, can't get too focussed on my "first" Asian kids too much, miss them too much, and man are they growing up quick!!!

Oh one final thought on babies crying and parental reactions... my wife is gonna be a wonderfully caring mother, the love, care and concern she has for ANY one who is hurting, but particularly babies, is amazing. She will provide a wonderful balance of love to my analytical response(What is making her cry, let's run through the possibilities...)and problem solving reaction(after all if you can figure out the problem you address WHY she is crying, and you solve the problem, thus showing concern and love). But sometimes you just need someone to give ya a hug...Cara will be amazing at that,along with so many other things!

An unexpected bonus to waiting- Playing the baby card

The Baby Card...you know it is probably the second most valid reason you have for wanting kids to start with...you not only get the baby, but you get the baby card.

The baby card is able to be used in so many ways. Within your own home, the baby card gets used to explain why mom hasn't been able to do laundry, or clean up dishes(yet the phone was busy all day, so she was able to talk alright, or go out to visit friends....hmmmm) but the baby card saves the day, "With the baby around I just can't get anything done...". The baby card.

As a couple you look forward to playing the baby card at holidays, for years you have had to juggle your life, make the travel plans, and go to visit family, NOW you have leverage, the baby card, you can make family come to YOU. This works particularly well with the grandparents. Christmas rolls around, you drop a subtle "with baby around, travel is just so hard..." before the last word reaches across the phone line, your parents fingers do the walking and they have booked a plane ticket to come see the baby at Xmas time! NICE!

Now I knew that down the line we would have the chance to play the baby card, but, thanks, unwittingly, to my father-in-law, I have discovered that card is already in our possesion. We may not have baby yet, but we have the card, at least with limited power.

Here's how I discovered this. Our basement is cold, I agreed to get a fireplace put in, but lacking the skill to actually install it we knew we would have to ask my father-in-law to come and help. He is great at helping us with things like this, a real blessing. I am indebted to him as there is just no way stuff like this could happen without his willingness. In the past his willingness has been to bless us by doing it. However, he let it slip last night as we talked on the phone, in prep for him coming up today to install it, that his reason, was because baby was coming and he doesn't want her getting cold...I was dumbstruck, I had the baby card, and didn't know it, didn't even think of playing it at this time...

My mind went to work immediately...where else could this baby card be used right now, the rush of power was intoxicating...but then my childhood hero popped into mind...Spiderman, and his motto, "With great power comes great responsibility!"

RATS!!! I guess I will behave, besides, over half the thrill is knowing you have a card to play...(tucks card in back pocket, you just never know when it will be needed) :):)

The Long Ride-Resource Story book

In the quest to be prepared I am constantly looking for any thing out there that will help, looking for ethnic looking dolls, asian stories that aren't filled with superstition etc, adoption resources and so on.

In our local Christian Book store found "The Long Ride-A story of Adoption and the family of God by Don Regier". It is a hard cover book. It is a flip book, with the story of international adoption told from the parents view and the view of 2 little asian girls who are sisters and getting adopted.

Book Description
One side of this flip-book introduces two orphaned Chinese girls and the other tells the story of a family searching for two girls to adopt. In the middle, the two stories unite the two groups and they become one special family.

Review
Christianity Today : "With its beautiful Asian-inspired illustrations, this book touches on themes common to anyone who's taken on the international adoption process the paperwork, the travel, the fatigue, that first meeting, and, most importantly, God's presence in the processoand explains them to your child in a gentle, uplifting way."

It is a book that will be good for when she is older, to compare it to "I love you like crazy cakes", this book is more advanced in its details, vocabulary, and is more "factual" based. By that I mean you read it and it seems "mater of fact" whereas "I love you like crazy cakes" hits you more in the heart, emotionally. I got the book for this reason, that combined it covers the complete picture, and this book has some differences, ie this family already had kids, the mom did all the paperwork, sisters are being adopted, the differences I think make it stronger and will provide opportunity to talk to our daughter about the similarities and differences between our story and the books, sometimes things get caught better when contrasted rather than compared.

Another very nice aspect of this book is it ties in coming into God's family and the parents desire for these little girls to do that, along with joining their family, so the teaching on spiritual matters is another thing I very much appreciate about this story also.

I also bought Steven Curtis Chapman's books that are story books dealing with adoption. Just waiting for Amazon to ship em, then I will post my 2 cents on those also.

As a bonus, here is anothe Marvin cartoon "downloaded" hehhee...

Daddy's ways to prepare for baby

It has been such a cool thing to watch Randy get connected to our Baby in so many different ways than I do. I love that there is a place where he is expressing his enthusiasm for preparing for the baby... (I'm talking about this Blog) and an outlet for him to learn and prepare as a parent through discussions and study... there have been many books that have found their way into his hands, and they are helping us to feel ready and to conjure up a plan for how to help our daughter to attach to us...

These and other learning forms will be such an asset for our parenting, and I feel like the prep is worth every moment it takes, and I pray that we will both absorb all of it, so that we will be an effective team in this journey with our treasure.

That was the unique part of what Randy is doing... now the rest is just like me... only... in Randy version.

When he arrived home a few days ago... he had done an errand and ended up in Walmart. There he discovered the baby section was having a sale... and came home with 2 adorable pieces to add to our daughters wardrobe. Humorously, one has pink on it....
so now he can't lecture me on our growing pink collection, and how it can't be the staple for what she owns.

I expect that it probably will be, no matter what we plan and purpose.

On his first day off, we wandered around Grande Prairie, exploring some stores and just enjoying the day together. On our journey, we pondered baby room decorations, and checked out a high end baby clothing store (in which we only looked. An ordinary day, turned baby focus... love it.

I see that sparkle in his eyes when he thinks about what it will be like to have her here. The other day we were watching some movie... oh yeah Mulan 2 and Randy piped up... "I can totally see us sitting here watching this with our daughter right here between us." yep... he's got it bad. my quiet introverted man... who gives very little of his personal thoughts away, is wrapped up in dreaming about baby.

I LOVE IT!
Why?
cause I am too!

cara

Fun Cartoon

My Mum emailed this to me. I have to surf the web now and see if there are others like it. :)

Emotions Galore!

Does anyone else tear up when they see the baby section of the stores...?

I have been a bit emotional about everything that is linked to our baby, that we are eventually recieving, these days.

I catch myself staring at the beauty of an Asian woman's face, or even better a young childs. I am trying to imagine my little one, and what she will look like.

I catch myself tearing up when we walk into a store and I feel we have to go to the baby section just to see... when what has occured is always finding just one more item for her growing wardrobe... I think she will be the best dressed little one I have ever met! :)

Even more emotions emerge when the FOI Newsletter arrives at our home. It is Randy and my ritual that we wait to look at it until we are together, and then we read it to eachother, and look at each picture so carefully. It's like a treasured photo album of people we know and love dearly... so funny really.... I am sure that is not normal!

What I think ruins me the most is when we read parenting books together, or an insight into great bonding technique...which of course means cuddles and loves.... so that just sets me right over the edge.... so many tears...

I just wonder if there are extra hormones that kick in when you know you will have an adoption..... I feel and sound like a pregnant woman these days!

CRAZY is what I feel.

Am I loosing it?

I am sure it is just Love... intense love. I felt it similarily when I knew I loved Randy... but somehow I thought it would be more like this when we got closer to the reality of getting her.... like when we recieved the photo ....

anyway...
I thought you might identify with my ...too real... sharing.. and I hope it will encourage some other mom or dad to be... that your at least not as crazy as me...

:)

Bursting with Love,
Cara

Lost Daughters- Review

Lost Daughters of China- DVD Review

Got this a bit ago, but life has been insane. This is worth having, if for NO other reason, it helps show others in your family etc. what you will experience.

Having read a ton of other families journey to “gotcha day” on blogs, this wasn’t new to me. In fact the blogs give much more detail. But families aren’t likely gonna surf the web and read other peoples blogs, sending them this to view and pass along will help them get a feel for it and can open doors to help then explain about how you need to parent differently to build attachment(ie meaning other family contact with the child will be radically reduced for some time until that bond is established between child and parents).

So I highly recommend it. Send it to family…oh and include some Kleenex, they’ll need it!

Parenting the Hurt Child- Book Review

Parenting the Hurt Child by Keck & Kupecky- Book Review

A Friend from church lent us this book. They have adopted a few children so they have pooled a number of resources over the time.

This is the second book by this writing team, and is a ”Next Stage” type book, mainly for those who have adopted older kids or their adopted kids are older and heading towards school age.

We are not at this stage, but the first few chapters are very good, imo.The first chapter goes into a good explanation of the attachment cycle and what has happened to the hurt child to disrupt it, and as a result what to expect from that. I liked that there are specifics listed.

The next chapter is titled” Dare to Parent:Claiming your role in the child’s life”. It is a chapter of balance, revealing the responsibility and role you face, and the stark realities of it. That is balanced by the encouragement that we all have had some parenting exposure and desire and have internalized many of the tools required, even for hurt children, and that we simply must step up and BE PARENTS(something I think a lot of “adults with children living in their home” need to learn. And I believe this, regardless of the fact I am writing this after my first week of directing Elementary camp and dealing with numerous discipline issues. Incidentally, one such case the child was from a foster home and showed ALL the symptoms of RAD. It was VERY helpful having done what research I have done, to be able to handle the kid better and help the foster parent and camp counselor.

The next 3 chapters are the best of the book. Parenting: What Doesn’t Work, Parenting: What Does Work, and Nurturing. What was valuable was the practical ness of it and the insight into the thought patterns of the hurt child. It helps you understand what they are thinking when, for example you try a “time out” and knowing that thought process helps you see that traditional time outs just won’t work as they are basically living in a state of “time out” (absence from parent anyhow). The nurture chapter gives some practical, common sense ideas of how to promote bonding. I don’t know about you, but lists help me, it is just reassuring to look at a list and go” Oh, I do that naturally!”, or ”What a cool idea, I will try that!” It makes it feel like you add a few tools to the parenting tool box and boosts confidence.

The rest of the book then looks at the school age time, and basically encourages you to inject yourself into that environment and make sure they know the needs your child will have, and exhorts you to persevere in resourcing those around you and the book countless times is telling you” You know your kids needs, fight to ensure those around them know and do it.”

A good book to borrow, but glad I never bought it

I dream of baby

June 30, 2006

Every day as I enter the special time with my Heavenly Father, I am coming to him to ask for so many specific things for my unknown daughter. I often weep as I dialogue with Him about what I am feeling, or what I am supposing must be occuring in the heart of her parents. There are so many variables to consider, and knowing that if I were in their situation, I would have such tearing in my heart to consider what I should do.

I am only "unbroken" because of the response that is so clearly spoken to my heart by my loving God. He knows the details of my heart wrenching prayers before I even speak them. He knows me so intimately. As I reflect on all that I bring to Him, I realize over and over again, that if He knows me so intimately, that He also knows and treasures them so intimately. That my lack of knowledge is not His lack.

He brings me peace.

I long to hold you my sweet girl. But until I can.... He will... and he will do it so much deeper than I ever can.

I long to comfort your broken hearts, you who have to give this precious child, this child whom you bore in your belly for 9 months of uncertianty of the future, or the danger that lurks just around the corner. You who have been brave enough to love her to live. Thank you... and know that I pray for your comfort and your peace as you grieve. That you will know His love in ways that you so desperately need to. That you will fall in to His loving arms.

Thank you Father for the immensity of your love and your deep deep love and compassion.

Lord, I treasure your graciousness.

Always
Cara