Tuesday, November 14, 2006

5 days to 6

Well 5 days to 6 month LID anniversary, time is flying, but hopefully the CCAA can pump out some major paper connections and get to our referral so we can look to late summer/early fall for our special gift.

Well, we got the entertainment unit assembled last night,man it makes a big difference in the room, so much tidier and smart looking. Once our digital camera returns from the shop I will post a bunch of pics.

During our short holiday, we had a wonderful and refreshing time with family and friends, as well as being pampered a tthe Fairmont Bannf Springs Hotel for 3 days as part of the Pastor/Spouse retreat hosted by the denomination I work under. Great speaker, wonderful food, bit rainy, but very refreshing. Had a lot of fun planning a surprise 60th party for my father-in-law. It went great. We were blessed with great roads to travel on, something that aided me in feeling refreshed, nothing more draining than whiteknuckling it on a snow filled hiway for hours...

We also had a chance to meet a family in Devon who just recently got back from China with their little girl, Lindy(for those who get the FOI newsletter her pic is in the most recent issue). As much as I love reading the blogs etc of folks, it was great to meet someone face to face and share.

Some hilights(beyond drooling at this precious little girl) was the affirmation that transition and attachment is tough. She is doing okay after 3 plus months here, but mom noted she is still displaying some stress and conditions that indicate total attachment isn't there yet. She noted it is hard with family, because they want to share in this gift, and you want to share her also, but when you see how it can set her back... well it is a stark reality that faces those of us who are adopting internationally...these precious treasures have lost their birth mom, and some lose their nanny/foster parent also, that is a lot of grief and loss for a little one to work through, survival instincts kick in and whose to blame them for saying with their actions and cries"don't get close, how will I know YOU won't leave me!". Heart wrenching, BUT with patience and using the resources for attachment and bonding that are available, and given time... the health and restored spirits of these little ones is possible. Each child will be on a different attachemnt timetable. It would be nice to say, "in X weeks folks can come and hold her". but it just isn't a reality.

It is a challenge...how do you work baby showers(for example), our church is chomping at the bit to throw one for us. We know the trip will be jet lag and new parent exhaustion all bundled into one huge mound of UGH, toss in that you can't pass baby around due to attachment processing,it makes life interesting. You can't wait too long for the shower, because you count on some of the gifts to stock the needs you have.

The thing that hit me is I have to change some of the emotional pictures of what I see early stages of our family life being. I always wanted to be the kind of dad, that egardless of the kids age, they could come to be for the cuddles and nurture, as well as with their mom. It sucks that until baby attachs to the primary caregiver(mom), I have to take her to mom to ensure that bonding happens, after that it can transfer. I know it isn't as cold cut and dogmatic as that, but as a general principle of attachment, that is a sacrifice I need to make for a time. So, I will be content with occasional feedings, bathing her, and being Mr. Playmate because the cost is too great on her, if we don't do everything we can do, to ensure she works through the attachement process.

Oh, on a brighter note, since my nurturing side will be put on a bit of a hold for a time, it does free me up to function 100% in Protector role, to intercept the church grannie who simply "must" hold every child...or to swoop in and snatch my precious girl out of the arms of the well meaning lady who tries to comfort her when she is crying...to fire my force fieldblast to block the way of the nice person who just wants to give her a treat(knowing food is a big part of securing attachment, so only we give her food)...I will also stand in the gap and tiredlessly answer, with my power of diplomacy(a gift my wife says I have) ,all those with so called parenting advice who are without the knowledge of our circumstance, and don't realize we have to do somethings differently than others do...and if diplomacy don't work a good ol' get- in- their- face- and- tell- it- like- it- is sermon is in reserve and ready to be unleashed. :)
Watch out Super Dad is on a mission! heh, I wonder if my glasses will conceal my identity from the public...it works for Clark Kent....

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