Parenting the Hurt Child by Keck & Kupecky- Book Review
A Friend from church lent us this book. They have adopted a few children so they have pooled a number of resources over the time.
This is the second book by this writing team, and is a ”Next Stage” type book, mainly for those who have adopted older kids or their adopted kids are older and heading towards school age.
We are not at this stage, but the first few chapters are very good, imo.The first chapter goes into a good explanation of the attachment cycle and what has happened to the hurt child to disrupt it, and as a result what to expect from that. I liked that there are specifics listed.
The next chapter is titled” Dare to Parent:Claiming your role in the child’s life”. It is a chapter of balance, revealing the responsibility and role you face, and the stark realities of it. That is balanced by the encouragement that we all have had some parenting exposure and desire and have internalized many of the tools required, even for hurt children, and that we simply must step up and BE PARENTS(something I think a lot of “adults with children living in their home” need to learn. And I believe this, regardless of the fact I am writing this after my first week of directing Elementary camp and dealing with numerous discipline issues. Incidentally, one such case the child was from a foster home and showed ALL the symptoms of RAD. It was VERY helpful having done what research I have done, to be able to handle the kid better and help the foster parent and camp counselor.
The next 3 chapters are the best of the book. Parenting: What Doesn’t Work, Parenting: What Does Work, and Nurturing. What was valuable was the practical ness of it and the insight into the thought patterns of the hurt child. It helps you understand what they are thinking when, for example you try a “time out” and knowing that thought process helps you see that traditional time outs just won’t work as they are basically living in a state of “time out” (absence from parent anyhow). The nurture chapter gives some practical, common sense ideas of how to promote bonding. I don’t know about you, but lists help me, it is just reassuring to look at a list and go” Oh, I do that naturally!”, or ”What a cool idea, I will try that!” It makes it feel like you add a few tools to the parenting tool box and boosts confidence.
The rest of the book then looks at the school age time, and basically encourages you to inject yourself into that environment and make sure they know the needs your child will have, and exhorts you to persevere in resourcing those around you and the book countless times is telling you” You know your kids needs, fight to ensure those around them know and do it.”
A good book to borrow, but glad I never bought it