cuteness and kleenex alert

You bring me hope adoption video

Don't know anything about the agency that put it together, but a great " baby fix" of cute asian babies.

Furniture

Well, in a short time(hey, us china adopter rarely get to say "short time" so I get more enjoyment out of that epxression than it should...but I digress) ...

We will begin a serious hunt for baby bed, dresser and toy box options, along with entertainment center. We have a crib, but in the effort to make it so we actually have room to get into our room, we need a smaller option because we are going to start with baby in the room with us, until enough bonding and attaching has happened that we can start to transition her to her own room.

The reason I said “short time”(man I like that expression) is that we have the chance in a short time, to go shopping in a place that has some more options that our current location, and we want to take advantage of that.

Winter is practically here, spent the last 2 plus days with a shovel bonded to my hands, so thoughts are turning inwards and so baby room again becomes the place of thoughts, talks and subtle longing stares. It will be nice to get some of these material things in place as we wait.

In a short time, we will have gone through another month of being LID, another month gone, another month closer. How close? Who knows, it is impossible to nail any pattern down at this point, anyone who tries will find that in a short time they will be insane.

In unrelated to adoption news…in a short time I will receive some new props I have ordered to being practicing some new tricks to perform at camp or other venues. I had the chance to perform at the Alliance church at their pumpkin patch party on Friday and it was nice to dust off some of the props and perform, it has been a long time since I have done a regular show, it was nice. I love performing. I was a little rusty with my audience management skills(hard to grab all their attention at the start, partially due to the sound guy not having the mic done properly despite a sound test, along with the fact it seemed like there were a ton of under 3 year olds around, oh well, it took a bit but got them hooked). Trick wise, it took only a short time of practice to remember some of my old favorites, tricks I have performed hundreds of times, it was great to share that with the large crowd there. Looking forward to developing these new tricks into some new favorites.

In a (relatively) short time, I look forward to getting my little girl involved in my act(if she is thusly inclined, and I haven’t driven her nuts with asking her to watch me try out a new trick on her by then J).

Well, in this short time of writing I have recalled some more things I need to add to my to do list for this week, and although it is Monday, time flies and I don’t want to be short time by the end, and maybe get the list done this week…or maybe not, heh, time will tell!

number 5

well, today is 5 month LID. Woke up today with 2 trains of thought. First, I have been concerned that we would need to travel to China during camp season, making the logistics of minstry/work a strain(Who do I get to direct my camps???). I have had reassurances from my church, "we will just deal with it when it happens" which is reassuring, but I just have a feeling we will just end up getting our referral over the summer months,which would eliminate that issue. Who knows at this point, just Randy's rambling thoughts at this point. It would be much easier to coordinate people to fill in for me during the Fall stuff rather than camp, but hopefully come Februaryish we will be able to predict better what the time line will be.

Second train of thought was one of the few insecure moments I have had since starting the process."what if she doesn't bond to me?" Cara has expressed concern about that, and since she will be the primary care giver, I would imagine that is a common concern. I am not concerned about it. She is amazing with kids, has a wonderful nurturing heart. I know I am good with kids too, so the reality is, we will be fine. But trying not to be typically male, I thought it an interesting exercise to "engage and interact with my feelings" on these matters.....

*images of her not wanting to cuddle with me, ignoring me, feeling hurt, embarassed...

Okay, enough of that dumb exercise, feelings are overated. Facts is facts, there will be challenges, but she will love and attach to me, and I will be wrapped around her little finger...there. THAT feels better...Heh :)

Enough of this interacting with feelings stuff, how you women do that all the time...no wonder you get so tired...lol. :)

What to do to celebrate 5 month LID? Hmmmm. Well yesterday we decided we will purchase the dresser, baby gate and confirm Snuggly options in the next month. I DON'T want to be one of those families that waits til the referral comes and then all of a sudden start to prep for baby. That is insanity, imo.

We have been discussing a baby name, that came, believe it or not, from a type of scrap booking paper Cara has... entertained it for a couple of weeks, it was a name we didn't have on either of "our lists". But we pretty much picked it apart yesterday, so we are back to not having any names we BOTH are sold on. Heh. Fun! Cara wants us to be tight lipped about the names thing, so I don't want to share out of turn, but one day I will fill in all the blanks for family and friends who are following us on this journey.Well, time for breakfast. I'm outta here . :)

A Strange Duck am I

I quite enjoy being the round peg in a square holed world, it has served me quite nicely in all the things I have done. Parenthood... Fatherhood is not going to be much different.

First off, from the time I was 15 years old I always wanted to be a stay home dad. That isn't going to happen sadly, but I am blessed that my position as a Pastor will allow me some freedom other dads don't get(although I will face other challenges to parenting other dads outside of pastoral ministry don't have to face).

Second, most men seem to shy away from the more nurturing type(or typically female) parts of raising kids. Me, I can't wait to be involved in the diaper changing(well,in context, it has to be done and certainly isn't to be just a mom's thing to do) , bathing, feeding, dressing, doing her hair, having tea parties with her, cuddles, helping her to learn how to read etc.

Third, I RARELY ever see a guy looking at baby things(unless their wife drags them along). Me, I had some free time last night and where did I end up. WALMART. Now most men head to the sports area, or the tools. I headed right to the baby area, looking at the clothes, the accessiores(saw a baby bag with dragonflies and ladybugs on it. $25, seems pricey, not sure of the quality, but theme wise it fits with her upcoming room design). Got some odd looks from ladies when they saw I was not there by force, heh...like I said Round peg, square hole...

Blogging, I think I have only found one other blog where a guy posts on stuff and it was more of a research type blog than personal ramblings etc...would love to read other guys thoughts on adopting processes etc.

Well, tonight is veg nite, picking up Wendy's, coming home to my wife,sweeping her off her feet(onto the couch...sorry no romance happening here, killed my back yesterday lugging wood from a farm to the house for the fireplace downstairs)..popping in Xmen 3 and hoping a relaxing night will help me feel more energy for another full weekend ahead.

Gee, it is October

Man, time flies. Life is full and good...BUT I had a moment where I went...how on earth would a child fit in this world I live in right now...then it struck me(yeah the following answer ain't that profound, and all that, and I did know it before but it just kinda twacked me upside the head today) ...

My world is gonna be turned upside down! That is a huge thing, one of lifes biggest transitions. I am ultra excited about adding the world of Daddy to my plate..but have no idea what all the other plates are gonna look like...other than they are gonna change radically...the way I do ministry, which is my life, my heart, as well as my job, will be turned upside down. When I got married there was some change a few bumps in the transistion, but it was basically subtle changes when it was all said and done...I just don't think it will be that subtle this time around..a screaming baby howling at the top of her lungs at 3 a.m. isn't subtle and will most definately effect how I view the world through bleary, sleep deprived eyes.

My hope is that the little one will be quite fond and comfy running around the church at odd times in the week, while I work, and will be a wonderful reason for me to take that few minute break away from the computer screen that every eye doctor recommends...hey a medical reason to hang with my little girl... sweet! Maybe this upside down world of work will be even better...no, not maybe, it will be... all of life will be better when we are a family,not necessarily easier...but MOST definately better!