number 5

well, today is 5 month LID. Woke up today with 2 trains of thought. First, I have been concerned that we would need to travel to China during camp season, making the logistics of minstry/work a strain(Who do I get to direct my camps???). I have had reassurances from my church, "we will just deal with it when it happens" which is reassuring, but I just have a feeling we will just end up getting our referral over the summer months,which would eliminate that issue. Who knows at this point, just Randy's rambling thoughts at this point. It would be much easier to coordinate people to fill in for me during the Fall stuff rather than camp, but hopefully come Februaryish we will be able to predict better what the time line will be.

Second train of thought was one of the few insecure moments I have had since starting the process."what if she doesn't bond to me?" Cara has expressed concern about that, and since she will be the primary care giver, I would imagine that is a common concern. I am not concerned about it. She is amazing with kids, has a wonderful nurturing heart. I know I am good with kids too, so the reality is, we will be fine. But trying not to be typically male, I thought it an interesting exercise to "engage and interact with my feelings" on these matters.....

*images of her not wanting to cuddle with me, ignoring me, feeling hurt, embarassed...

Okay, enough of that dumb exercise, feelings are overated. Facts is facts, there will be challenges, but she will love and attach to me, and I will be wrapped around her little finger...there. THAT feels better...Heh :)

Enough of this interacting with feelings stuff, how you women do that all the time...no wonder you get so tired...lol. :)

What to do to celebrate 5 month LID? Hmmmm. Well yesterday we decided we will purchase the dresser, baby gate and confirm Snuggly options in the next month. I DON'T want to be one of those families that waits til the referral comes and then all of a sudden start to prep for baby. That is insanity, imo.

We have been discussing a baby name, that came, believe it or not, from a type of scrap booking paper Cara has... entertained it for a couple of weeks, it was a name we didn't have on either of "our lists". But we pretty much picked it apart yesterday, so we are back to not having any names we BOTH are sold on. Heh. Fun! Cara wants us to be tight lipped about the names thing, so I don't want to share out of turn, but one day I will fill in all the blanks for family and friends who are following us on this journey.Well, time for breakfast. I'm outta here . :)